I'll save you the apology for 3 months sans blogging. Y'all know the deal at this point. A lot has happened since the last time I blogged: I completed a month of urogynecology, 2 months of Gyn/Oncology and am about to complete my first of 2 months of benign gynecology. It has been quite the transition to go from 100% obstetrics to 95% GYN with 5% obstetrics, which I get when I'm on call. I've gone through quite the withdrawal because obstetrics is where my heart is and I truly miss doing it on a daily basis. However, I'm glad I still get a little taste of it when I'm on call.
Since completing obstetrics, gyn/oncology has been my favorite rotation. I'm sure you know from my previous blogs that I have a love/hate relationship with Onc because I enjoy the surgery and truly love taking care of those patient; so much so that I get very attached to them and their families. Thus, if they pass away, it's really hard for me. On the other hand, I feel blessed to have been apart of their lives and their cancer journey. Thankfully, it's not all sad and there are plenty of victories that I have also had the opportunity to celebrate. This time around, it was quite different because I was the chief of the service. Before I started the rotation, I prayed for guidance and that I could be a good team leader and do the best I could for patients. The onc patients are the sickest of the sick for us, so it's critical that they be cared for correctly. The first month it was myself and a 3rd year. We had a great first month and I feel that I found my footing and confidence as the team leader during that time. During the 2nd month, it was my rock star 2nd year LJ and I under the leadership of our fantastic attending (who is a true badass in the OR and outstanding in patient care; she was present the first month as well, of course). I feel as though the 2nd month was my best month. LJ and I were a great team. She was fantastic in every way and I truly enjoyed working with her and being her upper level. I had found my groove and was less nervous in the OR and with decision making in patient care and second guessed myself much less. I actually really enjoyed it and can't believe that's the last time I'll ever do oncology. I'm thankful for the experience because I learned so much. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
After completing onc, I moved on to benign gynecology. I have to be honest and say that I was not looking forward to it. Benign gyn is my least favorite thing. I have a love/hate relationship with the surgeries (6 hour laparoscopic hysterectomies aren't really my thing) and a hate/hate relationship with gynecology clinic. I know that gynecology is a part of obstetrics and gynecology, but I haven't grown to love it like some of my peers do. I'm always trying to ensure that I am giving it 100% and trying to learn as much as I can clinically and surgical skills wise. I'm sure I will feel differently and begin to love it more once I get into my own practice, am able to do things my own way and stop seeing 18wk uteri which require such long surgeries. I also know "my own way" will come from a conglomerate of things that I have learned from all of the faculty here so, I don't want to sound like an ungrateful brat. I'm thankful for all of my experiences. There are just some things that I like more that others. That's how life works.
I can't really explain why I enjoyed gyn/oncology, but can do or not do benign gynecology. Maybe it's because it's much more specialized/focused and because there's only one staff member that I have to please and it's easy to learn the way she likes things and do just that rather than having to remember things for 5 different people. Or maybe it's because there's no preoperative conference associated with oncology. I abhor preop conference. I've written about it before, but just to remind you: preop conference is where each gyn service chief presents the cases for the following week and are then asked questions about the case, the disease processes, and whatever else the staff wants to ask about. It's supposed to prepare us for our oral boards. However, I hate public speaking. It gives me palpitations and GI upset. I always freeze up and unable to answer questions that I actually know the answer to. I study quite hard for it, yet I leave feeling like they think I'm an imbecile. Thank God I only have 4 more times to present... not that I'm counting.
Other than working, I've been preparing to do something I've never done before.... I'm LEAVING MISSISSIPPI! The last time I blogged I wrote, in detail, about being offered a job in Arizona and God telling me no. As uncomfortable as it made me, I was obedient. I was then greatly rewarded. The practice I'd respectfully said no to came back and said they really wanted me to come work with them. To keep a long story short, I was offered exactly what I had written out as my vision for myself. God wasn't saying no. He was saying NOT NOW and because I listened I was BLESSED! I felt in my heart that this was the practice for me when I left the interview which is why I was so disheartened when my spirit was uneasy and God said no, but whenever I've gone against that voice in the past, I've regretted it. However, it was SO HARD to do that in this situation because I kept thinking "who in their right mind turns down a job like this?!?." I'm so glad that I did what I was asked because He rewarded my obedience with the job of my dreams AND He did it before the end of December, which is also what I had prayed for. God's timing is the best timing. That's one of the greatest lessons I've learned! I got my Arizona license last week, so I'm officially a licensed physician!
Now, I have to prepare to move my little family across the country. I'm planning got move in early July. To say that I am nervous would be a huge understatement. I have never left the state to live someplace else. Not only are we leaving the state, but we are leaving the majority of our family. On the other hand, we will be closer to my mom, which I am excited about. There are so many things I have to do and figure out, but I know everything will be okay because I strongly believe that this is God's plan for us. I can't wait to see what this next chapter in my life has in store. I'm looking forward to starting fresh. In the meantime, I'm finishing this current chapter in my life and preparing for graduation on June 17th. I'm becoming a bit nostalgic as the time draws near, but I'm still so ready (112 days 8 hours and 57 minutes until graduation). It's going to be weird (and a bit sad) to walk out of these doors for the last time with no plans to return. Just typing that makes me a little teary eyed. Yes, it has been a long, hard and sometimes very unpleasant journey. However, I have some really great memories and I've had some phenomenal training. Because of this place, I feel like I'm ready to go out into the world and practice. I feel confident in my surgical skills and my ability to take care of the sickest of the sick patients. I won't know what to do with myself when my patients are "normal" and don't have a ton of comorbidities or sick babies in their bellies. I am beyond grateful for the training and experience that I've gotten here. I've also made a few great friends and hope to continue those friendships after I leave.
In the coming months, I have one more month of benign gynecology, an outside rotation and 2 months of clinic to complete. 1 week after graduation is the written boards which I am studying for right now. I'm super paranoid about not passing because standardized tests and I are not friends, so I'm trying to get on it early. Please keep me in your prayers about that as well as the upcoming move...and life in general. I would be remiss if I didn't thank you for the prayers that I have been requesting in my last 2-3 blogs concerning "my situation." God stepped in and worked everything out, even when I'd gotten to the point where I was doubting him and not believing that all would be well. In spite of that, He showed up and showed out for me. He told the devil that he couldn't have me. For that, I am forever grateful.
Again, thank you all for your continued support, prayers, comments, and uplifting words. I found out that there are people who follow my blog that I've never met! I'm thankful for you all as well. Y'all are awesome!
Until next time...
Your Favorite M.D.,
Keisha B.
Mahogany Pearl: Luke 12: 22-31 -
22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? 27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
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