Hey everybody!
Happy belated Thanksgiving! I hope you all had a great one with wonderful time spent with friends and family. I got to see my Medstie, Rasheeda! It was the highlight of my holiday, for I have really missed her! I apologize that it has been a while since I've blogged. My internet at home hasn't worked for weeks which has had me extremely perturbed, as it inhibits me from working from home AND blogging. Since I last updated you, I completed my House Officer month (thank God!) and I started my Benign Gynecology rotation. I was a little apprehensive, as I always am when I begin a new rotation. Gynecology is a totally different beast than Obstetrics and all I had done in previous months was Obstetrics. So this was like venturing into the unknown, but I am really enjoying it. We have gotten a lot of time in the OR. So far I've assisted with and performed some of the following: Robotic Assisted Total Laparoscopic Hysterectomies, Total Abdominal Hysterectomies, Transvaginal Hysterectomies, Laparoscopic Bilateral Tubal Ligations, Endometrial Ablations, Dilation and Curettage, Polypectomies and Diagnostic Laparoscopies. We have clinic one day a week and operate 4 days a week. Needless to say, we've been very busy. The biggest joy of this rotation is that I can sleep a little later! LOL!
I have been reflecting about the past few months and I'm just amazed at how far I, and my fellow interns, have come. I know that we have so much more to learn, but it's astounding how much we've learned in just 5 months. Yes, we still screw up. But the things that terrified me during my first months, like managing a miscarriage in process, managing preeclampsia (and all of the other really high risk complications of pregnancy) and just being a doctor in general, don't terrify me as much anymore. I'm not saying that I know everything and don't feel like there's anything else to learn, because that's far from the truth. But I'm thankful that I have a little confidence that I am capable of taking care of those things without being completely petrified. I am thankful for those who have helped and continue to help me along this journey. The thing about medicine is that you are never done learning, as it is ever changing. Once you think you know everything, it's time for you to get a new job!
On another note, as all of my friends seem to be getting married and starting families (and as my little one constantly asks me when I'm gonna get married), I often wonder what my life's ambitions and aspirations have cost me. I've been so focused on school, and now residency, that I didn't really have an opportunity to go out and meet anyone and I DEFINITELY don't have the time now. The few good men I do know are either married or not interested in commitment at this point. Others are intimidated by my being a doctor, which I don't really get. It also doesn't help that I'm painfully shy. It takes a special person to deal with being with someone in residency. I love what I do and I am so thankful to God that He gave me a calling and allowed it to come to fruition, but I never would've thought that I'd still be single at this juncture in my life.
Everyone who really knows me knows that the three things I wanted to be in life were a wife, a mother and a doctor. My life's plan was to be happily married AND a doctor by 25, and be done having children by 29. I even put that in our senior prophecy book in high school! I know God laughs at our plans (I think he actually rolled on the floor laughing at mine), but I often wonder what He has planned for me concerning that last little piece of the puzzle. Though, according to my patients, I look like a teenager, I'll be 30 in 3 months (I still can't believe that!). I never would've dreamed that I wouldn't be married by now. My eggs are getting old and I'd like to use them before they turn into powdered eggs! All I can think is that my age will be a prenatal complication in 5 years! But, seriously, it kind of sucks being alone. I've always been a relationship kind of girl and I love being in love and being loved. I miss it. I know patience is a virtue, but I've been waiting a LOOOOONG time! Hopefully, He's working all of this out as I type. You're probably wondering how I think I even have time for this with residency, but others before me have done it. While I'm sure it takes work, I know it can be done.
Well, enough of that! That's the gist of what's been going on with work and in my life here lately. I pray that all is well with each of you. Thank you for your continued support, well wishes and prayers! I appreciate it more than you know. Until next time...
Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B.
Mahogany Pearl: "If the shutters are closed, the sunlight cannot come in" - Eckhart Tolle
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Only a Term Gestation to Go!
Hey Ya'll,
I apologize that it has been so long since I've written my blog. My internet hasn't been working for weeks at home and I definitely don't have time to do it at work. Quite a lot has happened since I last blogged. I completed by labor and delivery rotation on September 30. I REALLY enjoyed L&D. I had some really awesome experiences. I did several emergency (or throw-down stat) cesarean sections while on the suite. Stats are very exhilarating and they really get your adrenaline going. I had a really great upper level who allowed me to get some great experience, including being responsible for the initial incision in the stat c-sections. The difference between an emergency c-section and a regular one is that it's just that, an emergency. So, we don't take time to thoroughly dissect. Our primary goal is to get the baby out as fast as we can because the baby is compromised.
I can remember my very first one. My upper level looked at me with the most piercing eyes over her mask and said, "You've gotta be quick okay? You need to get down to the muscle with one incision. Can you do that?" My heart was RACING, but I had this strange confidence that I could do it. It's probably because she had been so encouraging and always allowed me to not just assist, but be the surgeon. She always made me call for my own instruments and asked, "so what do you want to do now." Hence, I felt that if she trusted me to go for it, she felt I could do it. I had by hand firmly on the scalpel and waited for the "go" from anesthesia. When they gave us the go I took a deep breath and made my incision straight down to the fascia. I'll spare y'all the other details, but we got from skin to having the baby delivered in 60 seconds! To say that it was exhilarating is an UNDERSTATEMENT. The whole operation took less than 30 minutes. My upper level then bragged, telling everyone "I just want you to know that my intern just did a stat from skin to delivery in 60 seconds!" She always praises you when you do well and corrects you when you've done something wrong. I like that about her.
The nurses on l&d were also awesome. I love them! I could always ask them for advice when I was unsure and could count on them not allowing me to jack something up. They are so thorough and in tune to what the patients needs and I could be SURE that if the fetal heart rate tracing looked bad, they would already be in the room doing what needed to be done... because they're AWESOME. They're also a lot of fun to be around; Definitely some of my favorite peeps.
I am now the House Officer I, or HO-I. I carry the first call pager, do postpartum tubal ligations, go to ER consults with the Consult senior and am responsible for taking care of the floor work. That first call pager can sometimes be the bane of my existence, but I do enjoy the job. I get paged for everything from orders needing to be changed to postpartum hemorrhages occurring on the floor. I had my first floor postpartum hemorrhage the other day and I was amazed at how far I've come in just a few months. I wasn't panicked. I knew what to do and didn't have to call my upper level immediately. I was able to get started then call her. (FYI: It's poor form to not call your upper level on things like that. You will definitely get your face chewed whether you thought you knew what you were doing or not. You also not want to get too big for your britches. We're still interns, after all! LOL). But, it does feel good to know that you're competent enough to control the situation until an upper level gets there.
I'm now almost done with month 4! I get my first vacation week after next and I am SO looking forward to it! I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know a lot of rest and relaxation is involved! When I return, I'll only have a few more days of this rotation left then I'll move on to the next thing. After this month, we only have 9 months (or a term gestation) to go. I know one thing for sure, ALL of the interns of the world are ready to give birth to this baby called SECOND YEAR! Only 9 months to go!!
Thank you for your continued support and prayers! Until next time...
Your favorite MD,
Keisha B.
Mahogany Pearl: You can do anything for 9 months, right!! (LOL)
I apologize that it has been so long since I've written my blog. My internet hasn't been working for weeks at home and I definitely don't have time to do it at work. Quite a lot has happened since I last blogged. I completed by labor and delivery rotation on September 30. I REALLY enjoyed L&D. I had some really awesome experiences. I did several emergency (or throw-down stat) cesarean sections while on the suite. Stats are very exhilarating and they really get your adrenaline going. I had a really great upper level who allowed me to get some great experience, including being responsible for the initial incision in the stat c-sections. The difference between an emergency c-section and a regular one is that it's just that, an emergency. So, we don't take time to thoroughly dissect. Our primary goal is to get the baby out as fast as we can because the baby is compromised.
I can remember my very first one. My upper level looked at me with the most piercing eyes over her mask and said, "You've gotta be quick okay? You need to get down to the muscle with one incision. Can you do that?" My heart was RACING, but I had this strange confidence that I could do it. It's probably because she had been so encouraging and always allowed me to not just assist, but be the surgeon. She always made me call for my own instruments and asked, "so what do you want to do now." Hence, I felt that if she trusted me to go for it, she felt I could do it. I had by hand firmly on the scalpel and waited for the "go" from anesthesia. When they gave us the go I took a deep breath and made my incision straight down to the fascia. I'll spare y'all the other details, but we got from skin to having the baby delivered in 60 seconds! To say that it was exhilarating is an UNDERSTATEMENT. The whole operation took less than 30 minutes. My upper level then bragged, telling everyone "I just want you to know that my intern just did a stat from skin to delivery in 60 seconds!" She always praises you when you do well and corrects you when you've done something wrong. I like that about her.
The nurses on l&d were also awesome. I love them! I could always ask them for advice when I was unsure and could count on them not allowing me to jack something up. They are so thorough and in tune to what the patients needs and I could be SURE that if the fetal heart rate tracing looked bad, they would already be in the room doing what needed to be done... because they're AWESOME. They're also a lot of fun to be around; Definitely some of my favorite peeps.
I am now the House Officer I, or HO-I. I carry the first call pager, do postpartum tubal ligations, go to ER consults with the Consult senior and am responsible for taking care of the floor work. That first call pager can sometimes be the bane of my existence, but I do enjoy the job. I get paged for everything from orders needing to be changed to postpartum hemorrhages occurring on the floor. I had my first floor postpartum hemorrhage the other day and I was amazed at how far I've come in just a few months. I wasn't panicked. I knew what to do and didn't have to call my upper level immediately. I was able to get started then call her. (FYI: It's poor form to not call your upper level on things like that. You will definitely get your face chewed whether you thought you knew what you were doing or not. You also not want to get too big for your britches. We're still interns, after all! LOL). But, it does feel good to know that you're competent enough to control the situation until an upper level gets there.
I'm now almost done with month 4! I get my first vacation week after next and I am SO looking forward to it! I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know a lot of rest and relaxation is involved! When I return, I'll only have a few more days of this rotation left then I'll move on to the next thing. After this month, we only have 9 months (or a term gestation) to go. I know one thing for sure, ALL of the interns of the world are ready to give birth to this baby called SECOND YEAR! Only 9 months to go!!
Thank you for your continued support and prayers! Until next time...
Your favorite MD,
Keisha B.
Mahogany Pearl: You can do anything for 9 months, right!! (LOL)
Sunday, September 16, 2012
The "Suite" Life
Hey Y'all!!!
It's been a few weeks since I've had an opportunity to sit still and write my blog and there has been quite a bit going on. Jai is doing much better. Thank you to all of you who called, sent texts/facebook messages/tweets, etc to ask about her. She has officially been labeled an asthmatic and she is now on daily medication instead of just a rescue, inhaled drug. Her biggest concern was getting back to school and she received a warm welcome and a huge card from all of her friends!
I started a new rotation, Labor and Delivery, the Monday after she got out of the hospital. Needless to say, I was terrified as I always am when I switch rotations but I was also very excited! I love delivering babies and that's part of the labor and delivery rotation. We call it the suite, as in the labor and delivery suite. I am the day shift person and it's my job to "run the suite." There is an upper level resident (a 4th year) with me, of course, and my 4th year is AMAZING! She told me that she is basically my consultant; there to help me when I need her. I run my plans by her and takes care of the problems that are way out of my league. She is a wonderful teacher and I have learned a TON from her already! I'm sure most of you are thinking that I'll just be delivering babies all month, but we actually monitor some very sick pregnant women, like those with preeclampsia and maternal traumas, as well as women who are having babies with congenital anomalies. It seemed that all I had was sick patients my first week. It was a little overwhelming but, as I said before, I have a really good 4th year as well as our maternal-fetal medicine fellows/staff and L&D staff who help me to manage those patients.
It's been such a joy to deliver beautiful healthy babies, but I've also delivered some not-so-healthy babies and some who didn't make it after delivery. It further shows me the there are many things that we take for granted, like having healthy children. It definitely makes me count my blessings. Every time I deliver a baby I'm reminded of how wonderful and truly amazing God is! I'm also getting to do a lot of cesarean sections, which I LOVE! I really love to operate and I think that my skills are getting better and better each time. I delivered my first baby during one of my c-sections the other day and I was so excited about it. When I say "delivered" I mean that I was the one who put my hand into the abdomen and actually extracted the baby. I hadn't been able to do it prior to that day, as I feared that I would extend the head instead of flex it and hurt the baby. But with some guidance from my 4th year and staff I wasn't as afraid and just went with it. My hands no longer shake like I've had a 40 ounce bottle of coffee and I think that I'm becoming more confident (but not overly confident) in my skills. I also repaired my first 2nd degree posterior midline laceration last week. As I've said many times before, that's one of the reasons I truly love our program. They throw us right into the mix. While it feels like its "sink or swim" mentality at times, it's a great way to learn and there's always someone there if you need help.
Needless to say, I am really loving what I do. Does it still kind of suck to be an intern? YES! But it's also a pretty awesome experience and I am learning SO much. The learning curve is rather steep but my knowledge base has much more breadth than it had even last month. I'm truly grateful for all of the people who have taken the time to teach me. Some days I feel like my brain is on overload and I wonder how much more I can absorb, but somehow there seems to always be more room for additional gyri on this brain of mine! LOL
I pray that y'all will continue to pray for me; that I'll always do my best to provide the best care I possibly can....and for my sanity!! :-)
Until next time!
Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B.
It's been a few weeks since I've had an opportunity to sit still and write my blog and there has been quite a bit going on. Jai is doing much better. Thank you to all of you who called, sent texts/facebook messages/tweets, etc to ask about her. She has officially been labeled an asthmatic and she is now on daily medication instead of just a rescue, inhaled drug. Her biggest concern was getting back to school and she received a warm welcome and a huge card from all of her friends!
I started a new rotation, Labor and Delivery, the Monday after she got out of the hospital. Needless to say, I was terrified as I always am when I switch rotations but I was also very excited! I love delivering babies and that's part of the labor and delivery rotation. We call it the suite, as in the labor and delivery suite. I am the day shift person and it's my job to "run the suite." There is an upper level resident (a 4th year) with me, of course, and my 4th year is AMAZING! She told me that she is basically my consultant; there to help me when I need her. I run my plans by her and takes care of the problems that are way out of my league. She is a wonderful teacher and I have learned a TON from her already! I'm sure most of you are thinking that I'll just be delivering babies all month, but we actually monitor some very sick pregnant women, like those with preeclampsia and maternal traumas, as well as women who are having babies with congenital anomalies. It seemed that all I had was sick patients my first week. It was a little overwhelming but, as I said before, I have a really good 4th year as well as our maternal-fetal medicine fellows/staff and L&D staff who help me to manage those patients.
It's been such a joy to deliver beautiful healthy babies, but I've also delivered some not-so-healthy babies and some who didn't make it after delivery. It further shows me the there are many things that we take for granted, like having healthy children. It definitely makes me count my blessings. Every time I deliver a baby I'm reminded of how wonderful and truly amazing God is! I'm also getting to do a lot of cesarean sections, which I LOVE! I really love to operate and I think that my skills are getting better and better each time. I delivered my first baby during one of my c-sections the other day and I was so excited about it. When I say "delivered" I mean that I was the one who put my hand into the abdomen and actually extracted the baby. I hadn't been able to do it prior to that day, as I feared that I would extend the head instead of flex it and hurt the baby. But with some guidance from my 4th year and staff I wasn't as afraid and just went with it. My hands no longer shake like I've had a 40 ounce bottle of coffee and I think that I'm becoming more confident (but not overly confident) in my skills. I also repaired my first 2nd degree posterior midline laceration last week. As I've said many times before, that's one of the reasons I truly love our program. They throw us right into the mix. While it feels like its "sink or swim" mentality at times, it's a great way to learn and there's always someone there if you need help.
Needless to say, I am really loving what I do. Does it still kind of suck to be an intern? YES! But it's also a pretty awesome experience and I am learning SO much. The learning curve is rather steep but my knowledge base has much more breadth than it had even last month. I'm truly grateful for all of the people who have taken the time to teach me. Some days I feel like my brain is on overload and I wonder how much more I can absorb, but somehow there seems to always be more room for additional gyri on this brain of mine! LOL
I pray that y'all will continue to pray for me; that I'll always do my best to provide the best care I possibly can....and for my sanity!! :-)
Until next time!
Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Out of the Mouths of Babes...
Hey Everybody,
I'm blogging today from Jai's hospital room :-(. She was admitted on Sunday for treatment of an asthma exacerbation. She has been what we call a "wheezer," requiring albuterol nebulizer treatments as needed, since she was about two. They don't like to label kids under 6 (i think that's the right age) as asthmatics for insurance purposes as they may wheeze but not actually have asthma. But I think the verdict is in for jai; she has asthma. She began having symptoms on Saturday evening that worsened Sunday morning, so we decided to bring her in. I thought that she may need continuous nebulizer treatments but I had hoped that we could avoid it. On admission, her chest was so tight that no wheezes could be heard (all bad). So she was placed on 40% oxygen with continuous nebs. They tried to wean her off the continuous treatments last night but she began to drop her oxygen saturations, requiring oxygen via nasal cannula. She subsequently started to retract or use her accessory muscles to breath, so they had to put her back on continuous nebs.
Needless to say, these last few days have been a whirlwind for us. I thank God that my residency program and the people that I work with have been so understanding, allowing me to take the time off to be with my little love. They have been constantly checking on us to see if we need anything and even brought Jai a card, bear and balloons. I've also gotten wonderful support from my family and all of you who have sent messages and texts to check on us. Your concern has not gone unnoticed and I appreciate all of the prayers for her speedy recovery more than you all know.
Jai is just ready to go home. Today, she told me that the doctors keep saying she has to stay on this mask and that she can't eat but they don't know how it feels because they don't have to wear it. That is quite a profound statement coming from a child. Y'all know I try to find the lesson in everything and I am pretty sure that that is my lesson. As a doctor it's easy to say that the patient should just take this medicine or remain NPO (nothing by mouth) for days because that's what best from our perspective, but we have to take the time to put ourselves in their shoes. It's very easy for you to say someone should do something when you aren't the one who has to do it, or suffer through it.
I also learned the importance of explaining procedures to patients from another comment that Jai made. They had to draw some blood from her IV line and she told me that the doctors were gonna make her dead because they keep taking her blood. Of course, I was extremely disturbed by her thinking she was going to die. I had to explain to her that they were just getting a little blood for lab work and not enough to hurt her. I also explained that her mama would never let that happen! I wouldn't even allow the phlebotomist to stick her again for blood this morning and told them they'd have to try to draw it from her I, as they had to stick her THREE times on admission. I wasn't going to let it happen again. (I know...Doctors make the worst patients (and patient's moms!)).
I always say there's a lesson in everything and I've already learned quite a few since being here. Ultimately, I just want my sweet baby girl to get better and get back to normalcy. I hope that you all will continue to pray for her and I'll do my best to keep you all posted.
Sorry for the short, stream of conciousness blog this week!
Mahogany Pearl: "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God" - unknown
Love, Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B.
I'm blogging today from Jai's hospital room :-(. She was admitted on Sunday for treatment of an asthma exacerbation. She has been what we call a "wheezer," requiring albuterol nebulizer treatments as needed, since she was about two. They don't like to label kids under 6 (i think that's the right age) as asthmatics for insurance purposes as they may wheeze but not actually have asthma. But I think the verdict is in for jai; she has asthma. She began having symptoms on Saturday evening that worsened Sunday morning, so we decided to bring her in. I thought that she may need continuous nebulizer treatments but I had hoped that we could avoid it. On admission, her chest was so tight that no wheezes could be heard (all bad). So she was placed on 40% oxygen with continuous nebs. They tried to wean her off the continuous treatments last night but she began to drop her oxygen saturations, requiring oxygen via nasal cannula. She subsequently started to retract or use her accessory muscles to breath, so they had to put her back on continuous nebs.
Needless to say, these last few days have been a whirlwind for us. I thank God that my residency program and the people that I work with have been so understanding, allowing me to take the time off to be with my little love. They have been constantly checking on us to see if we need anything and even brought Jai a card, bear and balloons. I've also gotten wonderful support from my family and all of you who have sent messages and texts to check on us. Your concern has not gone unnoticed and I appreciate all of the prayers for her speedy recovery more than you all know.
Jai is just ready to go home. Today, she told me that the doctors keep saying she has to stay on this mask and that she can't eat but they don't know how it feels because they don't have to wear it. That is quite a profound statement coming from a child. Y'all know I try to find the lesson in everything and I am pretty sure that that is my lesson. As a doctor it's easy to say that the patient should just take this medicine or remain NPO (nothing by mouth) for days because that's what best from our perspective, but we have to take the time to put ourselves in their shoes. It's very easy for you to say someone should do something when you aren't the one who has to do it, or suffer through it.
I also learned the importance of explaining procedures to patients from another comment that Jai made. They had to draw some blood from her IV line and she told me that the doctors were gonna make her dead because they keep taking her blood. Of course, I was extremely disturbed by her thinking she was going to die. I had to explain to her that they were just getting a little blood for lab work and not enough to hurt her. I also explained that her mama would never let that happen! I wouldn't even allow the phlebotomist to stick her again for blood this morning and told them they'd have to try to draw it from her I, as they had to stick her THREE times on admission. I wasn't going to let it happen again. (I know...Doctors make the worst patients (and patient's moms!)).
I always say there's a lesson in everything and I've already learned quite a few since being here. Ultimately, I just want my sweet baby girl to get better and get back to normalcy. I hope that you all will continue to pray for her and I'll do my best to keep you all posted.
Sorry for the short, stream of conciousness blog this week!
Mahogany Pearl: "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God" - unknown
Love, Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Your Attitude Determines Your Latitude
Hey Y'all!!
I've made it to the middle of my 2nd rotation! The days since my last blog have been quite eventful. I finally got into the OR and did my very first c-section as a surgeon! I was so nervous that my hands were shaking. I told y'all I would probably be like a bumbling fool in the OR and I was! Thankfully, my upper level was very patient with me. One thing that I really liked about our program here at the U is that we get to operate during our intern year. You have to wait until the second semester or even 2nd year in other programs. They only allow the interns to assist, i.e. retract. I prepped the patient, scrubbed in and my senior and I draped the patient together. After we were all set to go, I just knew she was going to do the whole thing since this was my first one (we're all about "see one, do one, teach one" at the U). But, to my surprise, she immediately said, "Knife to Dr. Bell." I was PETRIFIED! I had been studying the procedure like a maniac, but my mind went totally blank. Thankfully, she was there to guide me. She would ask me what instruments I wanted next, advise me as to how to properly dissect, etc. I really liked that she would give me constructive criticism when I needed to improve and tell me when she thought I did a good job. I tried to liken myself to a sponge and absorb everything she had to teach me to ensure that I improve and that I don't make the same mistake again. It was an AWESOME experience!
I think I've gotten better at my duties as OB-I and I take keeping "the book" very seriously. I've even developed a color coded system (I know, I know...I'm lame! LOL!). I've always taken any job that I have seriously and do the very best that I can in my capacity. Therefore, I really enjoy getting the calls to schedule patients for their inductions or procedures. EPIC frustrates the heck out of me sometimes though because it won't allow me to do a lot of the pre-admission work days before hand, as I would prefer to do it. But I'm sure that's just me being anal. I'm also enjoying the other facets of my role this month. I've learned how to round more efficiently so that I can get a few extra minutes of sleep in the morning! I'm also learning how to be more efficient in clinic so that I may see more patients. Clinic is very fast-paced, but I'm enjoying it.
On an entirely different note, if you remember my last blog, you remember me speaking about my "test" a few weeks ago. A new test came this week when I was told by someone at work that I come off as if I have an attitude and have been perceived by many to be giving attitude. Of course, it upset me because I don't knowingly give anybody attitude at work. There is more to this ordeal that I don't want to go into, but it made me do some soul searching. I know that I am a very serious person. I'm not one who is very giggly and playful and I can be very intense. My brothers call me Eva (as in Deliver Us From Eva) because I'm very blunt, straight forward and sometimes brash. I never mean anyone any harm, I'm just very direct. I think it comes from being the eldest of 8 children and a mother. I've acted as a mother figure for most of my life, standing in for my mom when she was working her butt off for Ameristar. So, I've always been really serious. People who don't really know me can take this as attitude. Even in silence, I could be thought to have an attitude or be angry. I also know that if someone raises their voice at me, my natural reaction is to raise mine as well. But most of you who really know me know that if I REALLY had an attitude, EVERYONE would know it! LOL....but seriously, I don't hide my feelings well.
I've realized that I have to be more mindful of this but, I also hope that people will take the opportunity to actually get to know me so that they may see that I'm definitely not the intern with the attitude. That is far from who I am. I am here to learn and I want people to want to work with me and teach me. Being perceived in this way will get in the way of my training and I refuse to allow that to happen. While I don't feel that I should have to change who I am for other people, I do have to be more aware of the "aura" I give off. I know for sure that I will have a good working relationship with those who choose to actually get to know me. Assuming that a person is a certain way and not taking an opportunity to get to know them is an injustice to that person and sometimes not getting to know them can be your loss. (That lesson is for me as well.) So, I'm praying about it. This whole experience is a learning experience. I learn something new everyday. I try to get the lesson out of everything so that I can become not only a better physician, but a better person.
On a much lighter (and exciting) note, Jai started Kindergarten this Monday (see pictures below)! My baby is a big girl now! She looked so cute in her little uniform and she was so excited! She got out of the car and almost didn't say goodbye! She really enjoyed her first day and talked a mile a minute when I picked her up from aftercare about all of the awesome things she did! I can't believe she has grown up so fast. I love that little girl. She keeps her mama sane! She is also what keeps me going when I feel like this thing is getting tough! I'm so thankful for her presence in my life. Who am I that He would have blessed me with such a wonderful treasure??
That's all for now. Keep praying for me, y'all!! I need it! :-)
Mahogany Pearl: "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." - Peter F. Drucker
Love, Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B. :-)
I've made it to the middle of my 2nd rotation! The days since my last blog have been quite eventful. I finally got into the OR and did my very first c-section as a surgeon! I was so nervous that my hands were shaking. I told y'all I would probably be like a bumbling fool in the OR and I was! Thankfully, my upper level was very patient with me. One thing that I really liked about our program here at the U is that we get to operate during our intern year. You have to wait until the second semester or even 2nd year in other programs. They only allow the interns to assist, i.e. retract. I prepped the patient, scrubbed in and my senior and I draped the patient together. After we were all set to go, I just knew she was going to do the whole thing since this was my first one (we're all about "see one, do one, teach one" at the U). But, to my surprise, she immediately said, "Knife to Dr. Bell." I was PETRIFIED! I had been studying the procedure like a maniac, but my mind went totally blank. Thankfully, she was there to guide me. She would ask me what instruments I wanted next, advise me as to how to properly dissect, etc. I really liked that she would give me constructive criticism when I needed to improve and tell me when she thought I did a good job. I tried to liken myself to a sponge and absorb everything she had to teach me to ensure that I improve and that I don't make the same mistake again. It was an AWESOME experience!
I think I've gotten better at my duties as OB-I and I take keeping "the book" very seriously. I've even developed a color coded system (I know, I know...I'm lame! LOL!). I've always taken any job that I have seriously and do the very best that I can in my capacity. Therefore, I really enjoy getting the calls to schedule patients for their inductions or procedures. EPIC frustrates the heck out of me sometimes though because it won't allow me to do a lot of the pre-admission work days before hand, as I would prefer to do it. But I'm sure that's just me being anal. I'm also enjoying the other facets of my role this month. I've learned how to round more efficiently so that I can get a few extra minutes of sleep in the morning! I'm also learning how to be more efficient in clinic so that I may see more patients. Clinic is very fast-paced, but I'm enjoying it.
On an entirely different note, if you remember my last blog, you remember me speaking about my "test" a few weeks ago. A new test came this week when I was told by someone at work that I come off as if I have an attitude and have been perceived by many to be giving attitude. Of course, it upset me because I don't knowingly give anybody attitude at work. There is more to this ordeal that I don't want to go into, but it made me do some soul searching. I know that I am a very serious person. I'm not one who is very giggly and playful and I can be very intense. My brothers call me Eva (as in Deliver Us From Eva) because I'm very blunt, straight forward and sometimes brash. I never mean anyone any harm, I'm just very direct. I think it comes from being the eldest of 8 children and a mother. I've acted as a mother figure for most of my life, standing in for my mom when she was working her butt off for Ameristar. So, I've always been really serious. People who don't really know me can take this as attitude. Even in silence, I could be thought to have an attitude or be angry. I also know that if someone raises their voice at me, my natural reaction is to raise mine as well. But most of you who really know me know that if I REALLY had an attitude, EVERYONE would know it! LOL....but seriously, I don't hide my feelings well.
I've realized that I have to be more mindful of this but, I also hope that people will take the opportunity to actually get to know me so that they may see that I'm definitely not the intern with the attitude. That is far from who I am. I am here to learn and I want people to want to work with me and teach me. Being perceived in this way will get in the way of my training and I refuse to allow that to happen. While I don't feel that I should have to change who I am for other people, I do have to be more aware of the "aura" I give off. I know for sure that I will have a good working relationship with those who choose to actually get to know me. Assuming that a person is a certain way and not taking an opportunity to get to know them is an injustice to that person and sometimes not getting to know them can be your loss. (That lesson is for me as well.) So, I'm praying about it. This whole experience is a learning experience. I learn something new everyday. I try to get the lesson out of everything so that I can become not only a better physician, but a better person.
On a much lighter (and exciting) note, Jai started Kindergarten this Monday (see pictures below)! My baby is a big girl now! She looked so cute in her little uniform and she was so excited! She got out of the car and almost didn't say goodbye! She really enjoyed her first day and talked a mile a minute when I picked her up from aftercare about all of the awesome things she did! I can't believe she has grown up so fast. I love that little girl. She keeps her mama sane! She is also what keeps me going when I feel like this thing is getting tough! I'm so thankful for her presence in my life. Who am I that He would have blessed me with such a wonderful treasure??
That's all for now. Keep praying for me, y'all!! I need it! :-)
Mahogany Pearl: "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." - Peter F. Drucker
Love, Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B. :-)
Sunday, August 5, 2012
New Beginnings
Hey Everybody!!!
I made it through my first month!! There are many times when I thought I wouldn't, but I did. It actually went by much faster than I thought it would. I hope the remainder of my intern year feels that way. I am now the OB-1 (or OB-1-Kenobie as one of my favorite friends called me). I am the keeper of the coveted black book in which scheduled c-sections, inductions of labor, scheduled dilation and curettage and cerclages are scheduled. I have to post the scheduled c-sections on the OR schedule, do pre-op orders, write H&Ps, ensure patients are properly consented, etc. I also have to present these patients at the board at morning sign-outs. In addition to that, I also round on post and antepartum patients in the morning, getting to the hospital at 4 AM. My favorite part is that I finally get to operate!! I'm sure I'll be more like a bumbling buffoon at first, as I haven't been in the OR since last October, but I look forward getting in there and learning how to be the best surgeon I can be. I also get to go to OB High Risk clinic, where patients with high risk pregnancies are seen. I look forward to having a little bit of continuity with patients, getting to see them on a weekly basis, unlike in OB Receiving. I actually did have a few frequent fliers there, but it's an ER so there is no real continuity.
I started in my new position last Thursday. I shot out of the bed when my alarm clock went off at 3 AM because, as anyone who knows me knows, I HATE to be late! Rounding actually went really well. I like my rounding team which includes the OB-III, a third year, aka my BUDDY (she's awesome), the intern on clinic and the House Officer-I, aka the HO-I. The interns round on all of the patients, then we present them to the OB-III so that she may update the list and have it ready to present at sign-outs. On days that I don't have clinic or surgeries, I go to OB Receiving to help my intern classmate who is down there this month. I actually miss OB Receiving!! I know it sounds crazy to those of you that I've actually spoken to about the experience, but I do miss it. I learned so much down there. OB-I is a much more slow paced position so it was weird to go from running around like a chicken all of the time to actually being able to grab some lunch. I enjoy going down there, helping out and seeing the wonderful nurses who carried me through last month. Did I mention that they are AWESOME?!?!
On another note, I got my first "test" last week. When we started, someone said that this year would be like a constant "rush" or "hazing" process; from people talking crazy to you to walking past you and not speaking. I don't care about anyone not speaking to me. I'll speak initially but if you continue to not speak back, I save my breath as I may need those breaths to say something to those that I actually love when I'm on my death bed. Honestly, it takes more energy to purposely not speak to a person than to just say hi. It's just so stupid. But, anyone who knows me well, knows that I don't really take people talking to me sideways very well. Many times, I will say what I want to say in response without thinking about it. I had hoped that no one would every speak to me in a way that was disrespectful, as I believe that regardless of one's level, everyone deserves respect. I am, after all, 29 years old and I am not a child. I put my "clown-suit" in retirement before residency started because I didn't want to be "that girl" who has the attitude. But I almost dusted it off last week when someone called me and talked to me in a way that I would never talk to anyone about what I "better learn to do, etc." It took EVERYTHING I had not to bless that person from here to next week. I was so angry that I cried because I had to hold in what I really wanted to say. But what I really wanted to say would probably have gotten me put out of the program. Y'all know that I am one of the sweetest people you could probably ever meet (at least that's what I've been told) but I come from a long line of women who don't take crap from anyone and when something like that happens, that side of me comes out and it's really not one anybody wants to see. I am from "VERNDITION" (virden addition, LOL), after all, and I don't do passive aggressive; I do aggressive aggressive.
I have no problem with constructive criticism and correction, but I do have a problem with being spoken to as if I'm less than you or as if I'm a step-child. While I may be an intern, I'm an adult with a 5 year old daughter, so I'm far from a child and I don't even speak to my child that way. This is my 2nd month. I still have a lot to learn but I will not be spoken to like that again. I had to leave and pray so I wouldn't do or say anything that would hinder my progress. What I learned from that situation is what I do not want to become and how I will ensure that I will not behave. Being an upper-level doesn't give one the right to be disrespectful. My normal reaction in situations like that is to "read" that person and then act as if they no longer exist, because I don't do 2nd chances. I know that's not right. I'm praying about it, but I always thought it was stupid to allow people to treat you badly over and over again. Yet, I know there's a big lesson in this, as I know that I have to be able to work with this person and I'm sure this person won't be the last in my career. I'll just have to keep praying that my "knee-jerk" reaction never comes through. Please, don't get me wrong, there are many sweet people that I work with; upper levels who have helped me so much and are the sweetest things ever. I've learned so much because of a lot of them. Even this person has been nice at times, but sometimes it only takes one incident to really throw your experience off. What I also realize is that sometimes people have things going on in their lives as well that cause them to say and do things out of character.
I hope that y'all will continue to pray for me, as I am presented with new challenges everyday. Knowing that this is my calling keeps me going. I enjoy working with the patients, my classmates, the nurses and the upper levels who strive to teach me and make me better. I pray that I just keep my eye on God and my goals and not allow people to bring me to a place of anger where something can be said that causes me more harm than good. After all, people can say what they want, but I am the only one in control of my response. It's all a part of my journey and I'm sure there's something He wants me to learn from it. I'm determined to learn all lessons that He has for me to learn! :-) One month down 47 to go!
Mahogany Pearl: "A closed mouth gathers no foot."
Love, Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Thankfulness Opens Doors
Hey y'all,
I am now 24 days into residency (and OB Receiving) and finally feeling like I'm getting the hang of it. As the story normally goes, just as I am getting the hang of things, I am changing to a new rotation on August 1st. That same sense of anxiety I initially had is trying to rear it's ugly head, but I'm trying to continue to remind myself that I made it through this month in times when I thought I wouldn't. What has helped me most is ensuring that I do my daily devotional. It puts me in a good mindset to deal with whatever the day brings. On days when I fail to do it, things always seem to spiral out of control. That's been sort of my "Aha moment" of the month, when I realized that the closer I am to the Father, the better I am able to handle the things that come my way. I am, in no way, an uber religious person, but I do know who God is and I believe that He is the same for all of us. We just worship Him differently.
Everyday, He shows me more of who He is through this calling that He gave me. I try to keep in mind that He said that what I do for the LEAST of these, I also do for Him. I see so many patients struggling, making bad decisions for not only their health, but also the health of their babies. I also see women who do all they can and still have troubled or lost pregnancies. I try to treat all of them equally, whether or not I agree with their life choices because I'm not their judge. I have just been chosen to be their physician. Many times He gives me words to say that, after they've been said, I realize that they were not from me. I pray that I will always allow Him to use me as His vessel. Sometimes we get too big for our britches and think that we're the hottest thing going because we've made it to certain places in life. We forget that He has been the reason for all of that success. Then, just as any good parent will do, He shows us whos boss. I never want to lose sight of how I got to where I am in this life, nor who is going to take me further.
I saw a former classmate of mine while I was in the cafeteria the other day. He recognized me and asked me for some money and informed me that he had been homeless for seven years. I felt badly standing there in my freshly pressed white coat as he stood across from me in tattered clothing, with water dripping from his beard, as he'd come inside to get out of the rain. We went to middle school and high school together, yet our outcomes have been so different. I can't help but to thank and praise God for what He's done for me. That could have been me, but God...
I've been really torn up behind that encounter, but it puts so much into perspective. Now, when I find myself complaining about something or someone at work or in life, I remind myself of the other options that He could have chosen for me, yet He saw fit to bless me with much more than I deserve. I am determined to do right by those blessings.
I apologize that this weeks blog isn't a detailed description of everything that's happened in the last week. But what I posted today is what is on my heart and I wanted to share it with y'all. Have a great week!!
Mahogany Pearl: "__________, But God...." (You fill in the blank) :-)
Love, Your FAVORITE MD,
Keisha B.
I am now 24 days into residency (and OB Receiving) and finally feeling like I'm getting the hang of it. As the story normally goes, just as I am getting the hang of things, I am changing to a new rotation on August 1st. That same sense of anxiety I initially had is trying to rear it's ugly head, but I'm trying to continue to remind myself that I made it through this month in times when I thought I wouldn't. What has helped me most is ensuring that I do my daily devotional. It puts me in a good mindset to deal with whatever the day brings. On days when I fail to do it, things always seem to spiral out of control. That's been sort of my "Aha moment" of the month, when I realized that the closer I am to the Father, the better I am able to handle the things that come my way. I am, in no way, an uber religious person, but I do know who God is and I believe that He is the same for all of us. We just worship Him differently.
Everyday, He shows me more of who He is through this calling that He gave me. I try to keep in mind that He said that what I do for the LEAST of these, I also do for Him. I see so many patients struggling, making bad decisions for not only their health, but also the health of their babies. I also see women who do all they can and still have troubled or lost pregnancies. I try to treat all of them equally, whether or not I agree with their life choices because I'm not their judge. I have just been chosen to be their physician. Many times He gives me words to say that, after they've been said, I realize that they were not from me. I pray that I will always allow Him to use me as His vessel. Sometimes we get too big for our britches and think that we're the hottest thing going because we've made it to certain places in life. We forget that He has been the reason for all of that success. Then, just as any good parent will do, He shows us whos boss. I never want to lose sight of how I got to where I am in this life, nor who is going to take me further.
I saw a former classmate of mine while I was in the cafeteria the other day. He recognized me and asked me for some money and informed me that he had been homeless for seven years. I felt badly standing there in my freshly pressed white coat as he stood across from me in tattered clothing, with water dripping from his beard, as he'd come inside to get out of the rain. We went to middle school and high school together, yet our outcomes have been so different. I can't help but to thank and praise God for what He's done for me. That could have been me, but God...
I've been really torn up behind that encounter, but it puts so much into perspective. Now, when I find myself complaining about something or someone at work or in life, I remind myself of the other options that He could have chosen for me, yet He saw fit to bless me with much more than I deserve. I am determined to do right by those blessings.
I apologize that this weeks blog isn't a detailed description of everything that's happened in the last week. But what I posted today is what is on my heart and I wanted to share it with y'all. Have a great week!!
Mahogany Pearl: "__________, But God...." (You fill in the blank) :-)
Love, Your FAVORITE MD,
Keisha B.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Survival of the Fittest
Hey Everybody!
I made it through my first week of residency!!!! It has be quite an experience and I'm still trying to get used to answering to Dr. Bell. During orientation for medical school, they told us that it would be like trying to drink from a fire hose. Residency is like trying to drink from approximately 15 firehouses all aimed at your mouth at the same time!! The learning curve is RIDICULOUS! I feel like an idiot most of the time, but I have learned SO much in just 9 days. I get to work around 6:30am and i've been leaving between 8 and 8:30 pm (Sunday - Friday). So, needless to say, I'm more exhausted than I've ever been. I've fallen asleep fully clothed (jacket included) several days. It has been especially difficult because I leave when Jai is asleep and get home just before it's time to go to bed and she initially took the transition pretty hard. I keep telling myself that we'll get through it. It'll just take a little time.
I am working in the OB ER this month so I get to see a lot of different things. I've learned how to do a sonogram, checked more cervix's (sp) than I can count, used 3/4 of a prescription pad, carried two pagers, delivered 2 babies when the people on labor and delivery were busy, dealt with miscarriages :-(, and have been the one to perform sonograms on new mom's-to-be when they hear their baby's heart beat for the first time. This is a just a small glimpse of what I've done so far. Every morning when I wake up, I commune with God then I ask myself what I can do differently today than I did yesterday to improve. I know that I am only at the beginning of this journey, but I am determined to make the most out of it so that I can be the physician God would have me to be for my patients and that the sacrifice my family has to endure (my absence) is worth it. That's what's most important to me.
These 9 days have been a wonderful and trying experience all at the same time, and I am still so thankful for the opportunity. Even when the day seems to be going awry and I'm feeling like a complete moron, something happens that reminds me of why I chose this profession. I thank God for those affirmations! Thank y'all, again, for following my journey! I'm going to bed now! :-)
Mahogany Pearl: "In everything, give thanks!"
Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B
I made it through my first week of residency!!!! It has be quite an experience and I'm still trying to get used to answering to Dr. Bell. During orientation for medical school, they told us that it would be like trying to drink from a fire hose. Residency is like trying to drink from approximately 15 firehouses all aimed at your mouth at the same time!! The learning curve is RIDICULOUS! I feel like an idiot most of the time, but I have learned SO much in just 9 days. I get to work around 6:30am and i've been leaving between 8 and 8:30 pm (Sunday - Friday). So, needless to say, I'm more exhausted than I've ever been. I've fallen asleep fully clothed (jacket included) several days. It has been especially difficult because I leave when Jai is asleep and get home just before it's time to go to bed and she initially took the transition pretty hard. I keep telling myself that we'll get through it. It'll just take a little time.
I am working in the OB ER this month so I get to see a lot of different things. I've learned how to do a sonogram, checked more cervix's (sp) than I can count, used 3/4 of a prescription pad, carried two pagers, delivered 2 babies when the people on labor and delivery were busy, dealt with miscarriages :-(, and have been the one to perform sonograms on new mom's-to-be when they hear their baby's heart beat for the first time. This is a just a small glimpse of what I've done so far. Every morning when I wake up, I commune with God then I ask myself what I can do differently today than I did yesterday to improve. I know that I am only at the beginning of this journey, but I am determined to make the most out of it so that I can be the physician God would have me to be for my patients and that the sacrifice my family has to endure (my absence) is worth it. That's what's most important to me.
These 9 days have been a wonderful and trying experience all at the same time, and I am still so thankful for the opportunity. Even when the day seems to be going awry and I'm feeling like a complete moron, something happens that reminds me of why I chose this profession. I thank God for those affirmations! Thank y'all, again, for following my journey! I'm going to bed now! :-)
Mahogany Pearl: "In everything, give thanks!"
Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B
Monday, July 2, 2012
1 Day Down, 1458 to Go!!
Hey Everybody!!
The big day has finally come and gone and what a BIG day it was!! I've been waiting for this day for so long and it finally came! I woke up this morning an hour before my alarm went off and my anxiety level was quite high. Instead of just lying there, I decided to get my devotional out and spend some time with God. What better way to start my day!! Today's devotional spoke straight to my heart. It was SO appropriate for the beginning of this journey. I posted it below for y'all. After I read that, a sense of peace IMMEDIATELY came over me. I was still a little nervous, but I had peace about the situation. He has been preparing me for this for a long time. So, a lot of my anxiety turned to excitement.
As I walked up to that hospital at 6:30 AM, donning my long white coat and my pager, I felt like I was having some sort of out of body experience. I'm a REAL, LIVE DOCTOR! Like, in real life! I went up to the 2nd floor of Wiser Hospital for Women (where I'll be living for the next 4 years) for sign outs. As I walked through the door, I said, "Good Morning" and the nurses replied "Good Morning, doctor." I looked at them, smiled and actually giggled a little bit. They'd just called me doctor and I was BLUSHING! Dr. Bell still sounds strange to me and it took me a while to get used to hearing it all day today. It also took me a while to stop walking in the patient's room and saying, "Hi, I'm Keisha." I guess it's just going to take me a little while to adjust.
My hands were trembling when I got down there this morning. I could barely hold a pen to write, but as the day went on I got more and more confident in my ability and began to develop discernment so I could ask somebody when it got to things that were beyond my wealth of knowledge. I saw so many patients today and everything I was prepared for never came through the door. So, I learned A LOT today! I want to make it my business to learn something from as many patients as I can. They are the best teachers; better than any book you could ever read.
The nurses in OB Receiving were AWESOME!!! They took such good care of me today. I wouldn't have made it through the day had it not been for them and my upper level. They were so sweet to me even when I was screwing orders up and asking 100 million questions. For their presence and willingness to help me, I am thankful! My intern classmates also came down to check on me today and offer their assistance when they had free time. I appreciate that more than they'll ever know. Team work makes the dream work!! :-)
I left the hospital at 7:50 PM today and I was still excited; Tired, but excited. I am looking forward to the 1458 days ahead. I know I probably won't feel so exhilarated after every shift, but I do pray that I continue to have the same passion, if not greater, for this ministry that God has given me! I don't think I'll ever be able to thank Him enough. I'm forever grateful for this opportunity!! Thank you all for your support! I hope you all will continue to pray for me as you did when I was in medical school! :-)
Mahogany Pearl: When you feel down, look UP! :-)
Love, Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B
The big day has finally come and gone and what a BIG day it was!! I've been waiting for this day for so long and it finally came! I woke up this morning an hour before my alarm went off and my anxiety level was quite high. Instead of just lying there, I decided to get my devotional out and spend some time with God. What better way to start my day!! Today's devotional spoke straight to my heart. It was SO appropriate for the beginning of this journey. I posted it below for y'all. After I read that, a sense of peace IMMEDIATELY came over me. I was still a little nervous, but I had peace about the situation. He has been preparing me for this for a long time. So, a lot of my anxiety turned to excitement.
As I walked up to that hospital at 6:30 AM, donning my long white coat and my pager, I felt like I was having some sort of out of body experience. I'm a REAL, LIVE DOCTOR! Like, in real life! I went up to the 2nd floor of Wiser Hospital for Women (where I'll be living for the next 4 years) for sign outs. As I walked through the door, I said, "Good Morning" and the nurses replied "Good Morning, doctor." I looked at them, smiled and actually giggled a little bit. They'd just called me doctor and I was BLUSHING! Dr. Bell still sounds strange to me and it took me a while to get used to hearing it all day today. It also took me a while to stop walking in the patient's room and saying, "Hi, I'm Keisha." I guess it's just going to take me a little while to adjust.
My hands were trembling when I got down there this morning. I could barely hold a pen to write, but as the day went on I got more and more confident in my ability and began to develop discernment so I could ask somebody when it got to things that were beyond my wealth of knowledge. I saw so many patients today and everything I was prepared for never came through the door. So, I learned A LOT today! I want to make it my business to learn something from as many patients as I can. They are the best teachers; better than any book you could ever read.
The nurses in OB Receiving were AWESOME!!! They took such good care of me today. I wouldn't have made it through the day had it not been for them and my upper level. They were so sweet to me even when I was screwing orders up and asking 100 million questions. For their presence and willingness to help me, I am thankful! My intern classmates also came down to check on me today and offer their assistance when they had free time. I appreciate that more than they'll ever know. Team work makes the dream work!! :-)
I left the hospital at 7:50 PM today and I was still excited; Tired, but excited. I am looking forward to the 1458 days ahead. I know I probably won't feel so exhilarated after every shift, but I do pray that I continue to have the same passion, if not greater, for this ministry that God has given me! I don't think I'll ever be able to thank Him enough. I'm forever grateful for this opportunity!! Thank you all for your support! I hope you all will continue to pray for me as you did when I was in medical school! :-)
Mahogany Pearl: When you feel down, look UP! :-)
Love, Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B
Monday, June 18, 2012
For I know the plans I have for you...
Happy Monday!!!
I now have 3 days until my orientation process begins and 12 days until intern year begins. As I wrote in the last blog, I was worried about doing well and had a lot of anxiety. Recently, I was in search of a new devotional and my line sister recommended "Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young. It is written as if Jesus is speaking to you himself. Today, I had somewhat of an "Aha Moment" (as Oprah calls it). In today's reading He said, "If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment." The moment I read that sentence I realized that I had NOT been relaxing and just enjoying my right now. While worrying about not being able to take Jai to her first day of kindergarten and how my working long hours in residency will affect her, I've not been taking full advantage of the quality time we have right now. I've been having "anticipatory stress," like I often do. But why worry about something that hasn't even happened yet. God has brought me such a long way and throughout my journey, He's never left my side. NOT ONCE have I been forsaken. So why in the world am I so worried. There's no way he would have brought me this far to leave me. Of course, I will continue to study and prepare for residency because I must do my part in the grand scheme of things. But, I won't be in a state of constant worry and stress. The path has already been laid out for me. I just have to hold His hand and let him lead me.
In other news (LOL) I recently purchased a little long coat for Jai and had her name put on it so that she would have one like mine. I want her to be a part of this whole experience with me. She was SO excited when she got it. The smile on her face was priceless! These are the aforementioned moments that I am making sure I savor. It's moments like this that let me know that I am doing the right thing with my life in trying to be a good role model for my daughter, whom I love more than anything. I also got another gift last week: a new baby sister, Savannah. She was born premature at 26 weeks and I know that, for me, she serves as a great lesson. Because I know what my family is experiencing during this time, it enables me to be more sensitive to the patients I serve who find themselves in this same situation. Look at how God works!! :-)
Mahogany Pearl: Relax and enjoy your RIGHT NOW. Why worry about tomorrow when tomorrow isn't guaranteed?
That's all I have for now! Blog to y'all soon! Love ya!
-Keisha B., MD
Ob/Gyn factoid of the day: I know most women dread pap-smears. Most women think that you have to start getting them when you become sexually active and that you must have them every year thereafter. This is FALSE. Per ACOG recommendations, every woman should begin having pap-smears at age 21. From age 21 - 29 you must get a pap-smear EVERY 2 YEARS, unless you've had an abnormal pap. For women 30 and older, get a pap smear every two years until you've had 3 CONSECUTIVE normal results. Then, you may go to EVERY 3 YEARS. The exceptions to this: History of mild to moderate dysplasia, HIV, weakened immune system or history of DES exposure at birth.
I now have 3 days until my orientation process begins and 12 days until intern year begins. As I wrote in the last blog, I was worried about doing well and had a lot of anxiety. Recently, I was in search of a new devotional and my line sister recommended "Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young. It is written as if Jesus is speaking to you himself. Today, I had somewhat of an "Aha Moment" (as Oprah calls it). In today's reading He said, "If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment." The moment I read that sentence I realized that I had NOT been relaxing and just enjoying my right now. While worrying about not being able to take Jai to her first day of kindergarten and how my working long hours in residency will affect her, I've not been taking full advantage of the quality time we have right now. I've been having "anticipatory stress," like I often do. But why worry about something that hasn't even happened yet. God has brought me such a long way and throughout my journey, He's never left my side. NOT ONCE have I been forsaken. So why in the world am I so worried. There's no way he would have brought me this far to leave me. Of course, I will continue to study and prepare for residency because I must do my part in the grand scheme of things. But, I won't be in a state of constant worry and stress. The path has already been laid out for me. I just have to hold His hand and let him lead me.
In other news (LOL) I recently purchased a little long coat for Jai and had her name put on it so that she would have one like mine. I want her to be a part of this whole experience with me. She was SO excited when she got it. The smile on her face was priceless! These are the aforementioned moments that I am making sure I savor. It's moments like this that let me know that I am doing the right thing with my life in trying to be a good role model for my daughter, whom I love more than anything. I also got another gift last week: a new baby sister, Savannah. She was born premature at 26 weeks and I know that, for me, she serves as a great lesson. Because I know what my family is experiencing during this time, it enables me to be more sensitive to the patients I serve who find themselves in this same situation. Look at how God works!! :-)
Mahogany Pearl: Relax and enjoy your RIGHT NOW. Why worry about tomorrow when tomorrow isn't guaranteed?
That's all I have for now! Blog to y'all soon! Love ya!
-Keisha B., MD
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Let the countdown begin!!
Hey Y'all!!
After much thought and consideration, I decided to start this blog that I sincerely hope to be able to keep up throughout residency. Throughout medical school, I thought that no one really understood what I was going through most of the time (except my classmates, of course). I think that if I had blogged through it, it would have given everyone a window into my life and help you all understand it more. It's also a way for me to vent, as I tend to write much better than I communicate verbally. So, I'm going to attempt to blog throughout this journey and I hope that you all will continue to take this journey with me through the blog!
I have 18 more days until my intern year begins on July 1, 2012 and I am TERRIFIED!! I want so much to do well. I know that this is my calling and my biggest fear is letting God down. I always say, do your best and He'll do the rest, but I often wonder if my best is good enough. My stress level was on 10 today and I talked to a great friend of mine who told me, "Just roll with it!" along with some other encouraging words that brought me off the edge. I pray that y'all will pray for and with me through the next four years, as I will definitely need it!! As much as I am terrified, I am also very excited!! I'm about to begin a new chapter in my life and I'm so glad you all are along for the ride!!
Today's Mahogany Pearl is one of my most favorite quotes: "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." - Unknown.... That says it all!!
Until next time,
-Keisha B., MD
After much thought and consideration, I decided to start this blog that I sincerely hope to be able to keep up throughout residency. Throughout medical school, I thought that no one really understood what I was going through most of the time (except my classmates, of course). I think that if I had blogged through it, it would have given everyone a window into my life and help you all understand it more. It's also a way for me to vent, as I tend to write much better than I communicate verbally. So, I'm going to attempt to blog throughout this journey and I hope that you all will continue to take this journey with me through the blog!
I have 18 more days until my intern year begins on July 1, 2012 and I am TERRIFIED!! I want so much to do well. I know that this is my calling and my biggest fear is letting God down. I always say, do your best and He'll do the rest, but I often wonder if my best is good enough. My stress level was on 10 today and I talked to a great friend of mine who told me, "Just roll with it!" along with some other encouraging words that brought me off the edge. I pray that y'all will pray for and with me through the next four years, as I will definitely need it!! As much as I am terrified, I am also very excited!! I'm about to begin a new chapter in my life and I'm so glad you all are along for the ride!!
Today's Mahogany Pearl is one of my most favorite quotes: "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." - Unknown.... That says it all!!
Until next time,
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)