Hey Everybody!!!
It feels as if it has been forever since I've written a blog (I think I say that every time! LOL.) I've completed 2 rotations since I last blogged. Last time I was telling y'all about my anxiety about starting Oncology and the worries I had about doing a good job, facing cancer with my patients and death/dying. I completed my oncology rotation at the end of October and I absolutely LOVED it! Outside of delivering babies, that rotation was truly the best rotation I've done since starting residency. Our Gyn/Onc attending is simply AWESOME (I mean it. She's a freaking ROCK STAR) and my team was great. I definitely worked hard, but I loved every minute of it. I really enjoyed getting to know and take care of my sweet patients on chemotherapy. I covet them to this day. It's amazing that the sweetest patient's I've ever encountered are ones who are in the fight of their lives and have every right to be mad at the world, but instead are beacons of love and light. My fear of losing a patient came to fruition on that rotation and it was really hard for me. My heart breaks, even now, as I think about those ladies that I got to know so well going on to be with the Lord. But when I really think about it, there's no better place that they can be. I'll always remember them, their names, their faces, their stories. I'll always hold them close to my heart. I did SO much on that rotation from participating in the care of really ill patient's to my first abdominal hysterectomy, but what I cherish most is the moments I spent at the bedside of patient's holding their hand, talking to them and praying with/for them. It renewed by spirit and reminded me of why I wanted to be a doctor in the first place.
After completing my Oncology rotation in October, I moved on to Gyn where I got to do quite a bit of operating; hysterectomies, D&C's, tubal ligations, etc. I enjoyed it, but it seemed to go by so fast. Now I am on the Specialty Clinic service where I am the only resident on service. I operate with our Minimally Invasive Surgery staff twice a week and go to a clinic where I only do ultrasounds. It's a pretty good rotation. The only downfall is PreOp conference (insert music signifying impending doom here). PreOp conference is where the chief of each service presents their service's OR cases (scheduled operations) for the next week. It is supposed to prepare us for the oral boards that we have to take to become board certified in OB/Gyn after we graduate. I have dreaded PreOp conference since I first sat through it during my 3rd year of medical school. I lovingly call it "the firing squad." You stand up there in front of a room full of faculty, peers and medical students and present each case one-by-one. After each case the faculty asks you questions pertaining to the case and sometimes even some random questions that you could never anticipate. You are supposed to prepare ahead of time, of course, but you can never anticipate all of the questions. Sometimes, if you get the question wrong, you get the dreaded "This is bread and butter Gyn, you should know that" or something to that effect. Or they just keep asking question after question after question and you end up feeling like a dumb a## (excuse my language).
So, since I am the only one on this service, I have the pleasure of presenting at preop conference EVERY Wednesday this month, starting tomorrow. To say that I am petrified is an understatement. The mere anticipation of the firing squad is enough to make me need a Xanax! I'm a tough girl, but those who know me know that I am PAINFULLY shy and I ABHOR public speaking. I'm even more concerned because I've already been somewhat ridiculed about the way I speak (too fast, muffled, mumbled, unclear, etc.) and now I have to stand up in front of all of these people and present not one but FOUR cases tomorrow. Once I get through the presentation I have to deal with the onslaught of questions. I always panic when I'm asked questions. Even if I know the answer I sometimes hesitate to say it because I don't want to be wrong and look dumb. I've been preparing for this conference since Sunday and I still feel as though I can almost guarantee that I will walk away wearing the dunce cap tomorrow, leaving people wondering how I ever got into residency in the first place with my obviously inadequate knowledge base. Lord, have mercy....
I've been so worked up and stressed about it that I got frustrated helping Jai with her homework tonight and was not the nicest mommy I could be. I then had to sit her down and apologize for my behavior as it is never the right thing to do to take my frustrations out on her. I knew I had hurt her feelings and that broke my heart. I told her that even mommies can be wrong and I was wrong for the way I acted. The tears are welling up now as I tell y'all about it. It's not easy carrying all of the frustrations and stresses of residency coupled with parenting. But there should never be a time when I take that out on her. When I realized that was what I had done, I had to correct it. I couldn't let her go to bed without apologizing. We've been in this thing together from the start. She's my A-1 since Day 1, as they say. I always want to make sure our relationship is a great one. I can't let the stresses of residency get in the way of that. I love my little boo too much for that. As Sweet Brown would say, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"
I've got to get back to my preparations for PreOp AKA the firing squad AKA the public stoning. I'd like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year just in case I start slacking on my blogging again! Thank y'all so much for your continued support and prayers. Keep it coming! I appreciate it more than you know!
Love,
Your Favorite MD, Keisha B.
Mahogany Pearl: "Troubles are the tools by which God fashions us for better things." - Henry Ward Beecher
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Uncharted Territory
Hey Y'all,
I hope all is well with each of you and that you're having a great Labor Day weekend. I'm spending my weekend relaxing and catching up on the 2 months of sleep that I've missed. Last Friday was my last day of 2 months straight of night shift. I really enjoyed it, but it had worn me down by the end. I wasn't sleeping worth anything during the day and staying up all night because, with the exception of 2 or 3 nights, we were always too busy to get any rest. I learned and grew a lot over the last two months and I am truly grateful for the experience. I loved my team, but I was ready for it to be over. OB Receiving and carrying those pagers had taken it's usual toll on me. I was cursing like a sailor and had an awful attitude at times, so it's time for me to return to the land of the living!
Now it's on to something new: Gynecologic Oncology! I'll be on the rotation for 2 months straight. To say that I am anxious and petrified is an understatement. This is something I've never done before; something so different from obstetrics and benign gynecology. I would always feel anxious last year when beginning a new rotation that I hadn't done yet. Multiply that feeling by 100,000 and that's how anxious I am now. These are really sick and sometimes dying patients with gynecological cancers. It's a whole new frontier. As the 2nd year on the service, my biggest responsibility is the chemotherapy, followed by preoperative orders/notes and discharge summaries. We also round/take care of in-house patients as a team, have clinic, operate 2 days/week (that's basically an upper level thing, so I'll rarely get to do that) and go to Tumor Board (where a multidisciplinary team meets to talk about newly diagnosed patients, their pathology, chemotherapy/radiation regimen's, etc). Thank God, there is a wonderful chemotherapy nurse who administers the chemo and knows more about it than I probably ever will. My plan is to just listen to her and do exactly what she says! I just pray that I catch on quickly, so I can give it my absolute best. You never want to be the person that the team talks about behind their back. :-/
I am excited to be learning something new, but I wonder what kind of toll watching people die is going to take on me. Yes, chemo works for a lot of people, but it would be unrealistic to assume that I will not encounter death and dying during this rotation. When I really think about it, I feel that this rotation is going to put this ministry of mine to its greatest test. I will be a part of a team that is there for patients and families through being diagnosed with a cancer, going through chemotherapy, winning the battle with cancer, dying from cancer, having to make a decision to discontinue chemotherapy and choose hospice care, making a family member DNR/DNI (do not resuscitate, do not intubate), etc. I will get to know these patients and families well and I'm sure it'll be hard on me when the harder decisions are made and when we lose patients. But I also think it will be one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I'm looking forward to seeing what the next 2 months have in store.
In other news, guess who started first grade!!!! Yes, Jai is a first grader now (pics below). Can you believe it?! I can hardly believe it. She's such a big girl now. It's amazing the difference that a year can make. She loves her teacher and her classmates and always has an ear full for me when I pick her up from school. Their first spelling test was last Friday and we spent every evening last week preparing for it. I can't wait to see how she did. I told her as long as she did her best, I would be proud. They have a ton of site words every week and a lot of papers that come home on Monday's from the things they've done the previous week as well as a weekly progress report. It has been quite overwhelming and intense wading through all of that material and trying to figure out how best to help her learn things, retain things and improve in the areas she needs help in. 1st grade is much different than kindergarten, but we're working through it.
Oh... we also got a new car! Jai named her "Sweet Candy." LOL. :-)
Please continue to keep us both in your prayers as we are both embarking on a journey through uncharted territory. Thank you for continuing to follow my journey through this blog. Your prayers, thoughts and well wishes have been appreciated more than you know! Until next time...
Your Favorite M.D.,
Keisha B.
P.S. - Thanks for your prayers for that situation I talked about in my last blog. I've finally gotten past it.
Mahogany Pearl: "Fight your battles on your knees and you'll win every time" Dr. Charles Stanley
I hope all is well with each of you and that you're having a great Labor Day weekend. I'm spending my weekend relaxing and catching up on the 2 months of sleep that I've missed. Last Friday was my last day of 2 months straight of night shift. I really enjoyed it, but it had worn me down by the end. I wasn't sleeping worth anything during the day and staying up all night because, with the exception of 2 or 3 nights, we were always too busy to get any rest. I learned and grew a lot over the last two months and I am truly grateful for the experience. I loved my team, but I was ready for it to be over. OB Receiving and carrying those pagers had taken it's usual toll on me. I was cursing like a sailor and had an awful attitude at times, so it's time for me to return to the land of the living!
Now it's on to something new: Gynecologic Oncology! I'll be on the rotation for 2 months straight. To say that I am anxious and petrified is an understatement. This is something I've never done before; something so different from obstetrics and benign gynecology. I would always feel anxious last year when beginning a new rotation that I hadn't done yet. Multiply that feeling by 100,000 and that's how anxious I am now. These are really sick and sometimes dying patients with gynecological cancers. It's a whole new frontier. As the 2nd year on the service, my biggest responsibility is the chemotherapy, followed by preoperative orders/notes and discharge summaries. We also round/take care of in-house patients as a team, have clinic, operate 2 days/week (that's basically an upper level thing, so I'll rarely get to do that) and go to Tumor Board (where a multidisciplinary team meets to talk about newly diagnosed patients, their pathology, chemotherapy/radiation regimen's, etc). Thank God, there is a wonderful chemotherapy nurse who administers the chemo and knows more about it than I probably ever will. My plan is to just listen to her and do exactly what she says! I just pray that I catch on quickly, so I can give it my absolute best. You never want to be the person that the team talks about behind their back. :-/
I am excited to be learning something new, but I wonder what kind of toll watching people die is going to take on me. Yes, chemo works for a lot of people, but it would be unrealistic to assume that I will not encounter death and dying during this rotation. When I really think about it, I feel that this rotation is going to put this ministry of mine to its greatest test. I will be a part of a team that is there for patients and families through being diagnosed with a cancer, going through chemotherapy, winning the battle with cancer, dying from cancer, having to make a decision to discontinue chemotherapy and choose hospice care, making a family member DNR/DNI (do not resuscitate, do not intubate), etc. I will get to know these patients and families well and I'm sure it'll be hard on me when the harder decisions are made and when we lose patients. But I also think it will be one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I'm looking forward to seeing what the next 2 months have in store.
In other news, guess who started first grade!!!! Yes, Jai is a first grader now (pics below). Can you believe it?! I can hardly believe it. She's such a big girl now. It's amazing the difference that a year can make. She loves her teacher and her classmates and always has an ear full for me when I pick her up from school. Their first spelling test was last Friday and we spent every evening last week preparing for it. I can't wait to see how she did. I told her as long as she did her best, I would be proud. They have a ton of site words every week and a lot of papers that come home on Monday's from the things they've done the previous week as well as a weekly progress report. It has been quite overwhelming and intense wading through all of that material and trying to figure out how best to help her learn things, retain things and improve in the areas she needs help in. 1st grade is much different than kindergarten, but we're working through it.
Oh... we also got a new car! Jai named her "Sweet Candy." LOL. :-)
Please continue to keep us both in your prayers as we are both embarking on a journey through uncharted territory. Thank you for continuing to follow my journey through this blog. Your prayers, thoughts and well wishes have been appreciated more than you know! Until next time...
Your Favorite M.D.,
Keisha B.
P.S. - Thanks for your prayers for that situation I talked about in my last blog. I've finally gotten past it.
Mahogany Pearl: "Fight your battles on your knees and you'll win every time" Dr. Charles Stanley
First day of first grade!
My favorite girl and me on the first day of first grade
Forcibly saying goodbye on the first day of school
First day of Kindergarten (left)/First day of 1st Grade (right)
Writing spelling words
Sweet Candy :-)
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Live from 2nd year, it's Keishaaaaaaaaa Bellllllllll!!!!!! (cue tonight show theme music!)
Hey Y'all!!!
I was doing my happy dance when I started this post 2 weeks ago, so that lets you know how busy I have been! As of July 1, I am OFFICIALLY a second year resident! God is good! As you all know, there were many times when I thought I may not make it through that year for a multitude of reasons. But, that saying that "If God brings you to it, He'll bring your through it" is 100% true. I'm actually only 1/4 of the way through it, but that 1/4 was rough and I'm so grateful to Him for keeping me through it all.
I started this year out on Labor and Delivery nights. I'm actually watching fetal heart rate tracings as I type this blog. Y'all know I LOVE me some labor and delivery. It brings me pure joy to be a part of welcoming a new life into the world. There are a whole set of new nurses that I get to work with and I love them already. It's also EXTREMELY busy. Most babies are born July-September (I guess there's a lot of cuddling in the winter!), so those months are extremely busy months for the hospital and I haven't slept or rested a lick since I started. But, I come to work to work, so I'm definitely not complaining. The more patients I have, the more opportunities I have to learn. This night shift is a different story though. My body is still trying to get acclimated, but I actually really like it. It's just the attending, the chief, myself and one of my classmates who is in OB receiving, aka the bane of all of our existence. It's free from drama and the hustle and bustle of the day time, which I love. Our attending also allows us to make our own plans and follow them through. I actually feel like a big kid now. I know there is so much left to learn, but I can see the growth from this time last year to now; Yet another thing that I am thankful for.
I am also extremely thankful for my family. They have really made this transition a great one. Jai has actually done a lot better than I thought she would being that she is used to sleeping with me at night (yes, my 6 year old still sleeps in my bed! Don't judge me. LOL). I get off work in the morning, go home and sleep, then get up early so that I can pick her up from camp and spend a little time with her before I go back in for 6:45pm. The getting up early gets a little rough, but we both enjoy spending that time together.
In other news, it has not been all peaches and cream at work. There has been a situation which I have asked for prayer for on facebook and I would really appreciate it if you all would pray for the "situation" as well. I don't feel it's appropriate to say exactly what it is, but I know for sure that it's a test. I just pray that I pass it because it has really been trying me. So, please pray for your favorite doctor because she needs it! :-)
I hope to be able to keep up with my blog this year because I know there will be so many new experiences, trials and triumphs to share. I pray that y'all will continue to walk with me and pray with me through this year and the years to come. I appreciate all of your encouragement and prayers thus far. They really helped me more than you know! Until next time....
Your favorite MD,
Keisha B.
P.S. - Guess who's not alone anymore :-)
I was doing my happy dance when I started this post 2 weeks ago, so that lets you know how busy I have been! As of July 1, I am OFFICIALLY a second year resident! God is good! As you all know, there were many times when I thought I may not make it through that year for a multitude of reasons. But, that saying that "If God brings you to it, He'll bring your through it" is 100% true. I'm actually only 1/4 of the way through it, but that 1/4 was rough and I'm so grateful to Him for keeping me through it all.
I started this year out on Labor and Delivery nights. I'm actually watching fetal heart rate tracings as I type this blog. Y'all know I LOVE me some labor and delivery. It brings me pure joy to be a part of welcoming a new life into the world. There are a whole set of new nurses that I get to work with and I love them already. It's also EXTREMELY busy. Most babies are born July-September (I guess there's a lot of cuddling in the winter!), so those months are extremely busy months for the hospital and I haven't slept or rested a lick since I started. But, I come to work to work, so I'm definitely not complaining. The more patients I have, the more opportunities I have to learn. This night shift is a different story though. My body is still trying to get acclimated, but I actually really like it. It's just the attending, the chief, myself and one of my classmates who is in OB receiving, aka the bane of all of our existence. It's free from drama and the hustle and bustle of the day time, which I love. Our attending also allows us to make our own plans and follow them through. I actually feel like a big kid now. I know there is so much left to learn, but I can see the growth from this time last year to now; Yet another thing that I am thankful for.
I am also extremely thankful for my family. They have really made this transition a great one. Jai has actually done a lot better than I thought she would being that she is used to sleeping with me at night (yes, my 6 year old still sleeps in my bed! Don't judge me. LOL). I get off work in the morning, go home and sleep, then get up early so that I can pick her up from camp and spend a little time with her before I go back in for 6:45pm. The getting up early gets a little rough, but we both enjoy spending that time together.
In other news, it has not been all peaches and cream at work. There has been a situation which I have asked for prayer for on facebook and I would really appreciate it if you all would pray for the "situation" as well. I don't feel it's appropriate to say exactly what it is, but I know for sure that it's a test. I just pray that I pass it because it has really been trying me. So, please pray for your favorite doctor because she needs it! :-)
I hope to be able to keep up with my blog this year because I know there will be so many new experiences, trials and triumphs to share. I pray that y'all will continue to walk with me and pray with me through this year and the years to come. I appreciate all of your encouragement and prayers thus far. They really helped me more than you know! Until next time....
Your favorite MD,
Keisha B.
P.S. - Guess who's not alone anymore :-)
Sunday, May 19, 2013
T minus 41 days until PGY-2!!!!!!
Hey Y'all,
It feels like it has been forever and 3 days since I've written my blog. I've been extremely busy between work and parenting over the last three months. Since the last time I blogged, I've been through 3 rotations: Clinic, Labor and Delivery (my favorite!) and now OB-1. You're probably thinking "I thought you already did those things," but we rotate through everything twice; once in the first half of the year and again in the second half of the year. I really wish I had an opportunity to blog while on labor and delivery because I had such great experiences there. I operated A LOT, which I love, and delivered a lot of sweet beautiful babies. I could probably do a normal cesarean section with my eyes closed now and my hands no longer shake like I'm on a caffeine high. It's amazing the changes that have come over the course of the year! I also had a great senior resident who allowed me to really run the suite like it was my own, allowing me to do things my way and attempt to develop my own style. He was awesome and I will truly miss him next year.
Currently, I am the OB-I. I do the scheduled procedures (c-sections, dilation and curettage, cerclages, etc), go to OB high risk clinic, round at 4am and act as the house officer (carrying the first call pager and doing floor work). The most miserable part of the job is the 4am rounding, but thank God I have become more efficient. I actually get there around 4:30-4:45 now and am able to see patients and get done rounding in time to sign out to my senior. Again, it is amazing what can happen over the course of a year!
Now that my intern year is drawing to a close, I've been reflecting on the experience a lot. I never would have thought that I would be where I am now. We (the interns) have all become so much more confident in our abilities and are able to do things we never thought we would be able to do. The very things that used to terrify me in the beginning are things that I can handle on my own now. Yes, there is still so much to learn and so much more growth in store. I would be a fool to think that I've learned it all and am the greatest thing since sliced bread when it comes to OB/Gyn. I'm merely saying that I'm no longer that M4.5 who walked into the hospital on July 1, 2012 scared out of her mind. God has really kept me through this year and I owe everything to him. There were many times when I was so over residency and thought about switching programs or even quitting. But He wouldn't allow me to do that. This is the plan that HE had for my life and I tried to continuously tell myself that if He brought me to it, He would bring me through it and He did! I have 41 days left of intern year!!!!!! On July 1, 2013 I will be a PGY-2 (2nd year resident)! This year, as hard as it was, really flew by. I hope the rest of it will as well.
As for my personal life, I'm still struggling with balancing work, motherhood and making an attempt at having time for Keisha. It is hard for me to justify to myself having "me" time when I'm spending 80 hours a week at work with so little quality time to spend with Jai. So, any time I have away from work is spent with her. I rarely go out and do anything. The last thing I want is for my daughter to get older and say, "all my mama ever did was work and when she wasn't at work she didn't spend time with me." Before I started residency, I spent so much time with her. I was at the school parties, taking her to birthday parties on the weekend, had her with me wherever I went, etc; Mom stuff. Now, I don't really get to do those things and it hurts me to my core every time she asks me if I'm coming to something at her school and I have to say no. So, how can I go out with my friends or on a date when I can barely be the mom that I want to be. I went to Miami for 2 days to celebrate my 30th birthday and felt terrible about it. I know that this will be my continuous struggle over the next 3 years, because the hours are not going to change. I just pray that I learn to find a balance so that my baby girl always knows that she is loved and that this journey is for the betterment of us both and so that I can make a little time for me to be able to let someone else into my life and not be alone for another 3 years.
So, that's my update. I apologize that it has been so long since I last blogged (I know I say that every time, but I do mean it). I thank all of you who continue to take this journey with me through this blog and those of you have prayed for me along the way. I pray that you continue to pray with me and for me throughout the rest of this journey. Feel free to comment on the blogs. I enjoy reading them! Y'all have a good week! Until next time....
Mahogany Pearl: "Man is never so tall as when he kneels before God- never so great as when he humbles himself before God. And the man who kneels to God can stand up to anything" - Louis H. Evans
Me and my girls in Miami for my birthday celebration! Love them!
It feels like it has been forever and 3 days since I've written my blog. I've been extremely busy between work and parenting over the last three months. Since the last time I blogged, I've been through 3 rotations: Clinic, Labor and Delivery (my favorite!) and now OB-1. You're probably thinking "I thought you already did those things," but we rotate through everything twice; once in the first half of the year and again in the second half of the year. I really wish I had an opportunity to blog while on labor and delivery because I had such great experiences there. I operated A LOT, which I love, and delivered a lot of sweet beautiful babies. I could probably do a normal cesarean section with my eyes closed now and my hands no longer shake like I'm on a caffeine high. It's amazing the changes that have come over the course of the year! I also had a great senior resident who allowed me to really run the suite like it was my own, allowing me to do things my way and attempt to develop my own style. He was awesome and I will truly miss him next year.
Currently, I am the OB-I. I do the scheduled procedures (c-sections, dilation and curettage, cerclages, etc), go to OB high risk clinic, round at 4am and act as the house officer (carrying the first call pager and doing floor work). The most miserable part of the job is the 4am rounding, but thank God I have become more efficient. I actually get there around 4:30-4:45 now and am able to see patients and get done rounding in time to sign out to my senior. Again, it is amazing what can happen over the course of a year!
Now that my intern year is drawing to a close, I've been reflecting on the experience a lot. I never would have thought that I would be where I am now. We (the interns) have all become so much more confident in our abilities and are able to do things we never thought we would be able to do. The very things that used to terrify me in the beginning are things that I can handle on my own now. Yes, there is still so much to learn and so much more growth in store. I would be a fool to think that I've learned it all and am the greatest thing since sliced bread when it comes to OB/Gyn. I'm merely saying that I'm no longer that M4.5 who walked into the hospital on July 1, 2012 scared out of her mind. God has really kept me through this year and I owe everything to him. There were many times when I was so over residency and thought about switching programs or even quitting. But He wouldn't allow me to do that. This is the plan that HE had for my life and I tried to continuously tell myself that if He brought me to it, He would bring me through it and He did! I have 41 days left of intern year!!!!!! On July 1, 2013 I will be a PGY-2 (2nd year resident)! This year, as hard as it was, really flew by. I hope the rest of it will as well.
As for my personal life, I'm still struggling with balancing work, motherhood and making an attempt at having time for Keisha. It is hard for me to justify to myself having "me" time when I'm spending 80 hours a week at work with so little quality time to spend with Jai. So, any time I have away from work is spent with her. I rarely go out and do anything. The last thing I want is for my daughter to get older and say, "all my mama ever did was work and when she wasn't at work she didn't spend time with me." Before I started residency, I spent so much time with her. I was at the school parties, taking her to birthday parties on the weekend, had her with me wherever I went, etc; Mom stuff. Now, I don't really get to do those things and it hurts me to my core every time she asks me if I'm coming to something at her school and I have to say no. So, how can I go out with my friends or on a date when I can barely be the mom that I want to be. I went to Miami for 2 days to celebrate my 30th birthday and felt terrible about it. I know that this will be my continuous struggle over the next 3 years, because the hours are not going to change. I just pray that I learn to find a balance so that my baby girl always knows that she is loved and that this journey is for the betterment of us both and so that I can make a little time for me to be able to let someone else into my life and not be alone for another 3 years.
So, that's my update. I apologize that it has been so long since I last blogged (I know I say that every time, but I do mean it). I thank all of you who continue to take this journey with me through this blog and those of you have prayed for me along the way. I pray that you continue to pray with me and for me throughout the rest of this journey. Feel free to comment on the blogs. I enjoy reading them! Y'all have a good week! Until next time....
Mahogany Pearl: "Man is never so tall as when he kneels before God- never so great as when he humbles himself before God. And the man who kneels to God can stand up to anything" - Louis H. Evans
Love, Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B.
My sweet love posing in front of Primo's
Me and my girls in Miami for my birthday celebration! Love them!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Flirty 30 in OB Receiving
Hey y'all!
I know it's been forever and three days since I have blogged. As always, things have been pretty busy from work to parenting to simply trying to get rest. I figured I should definitely blog today since it is a national holiday in all; MY 30th BIRTHDAY!!! Whoop-whoop! LOL. I remember the days when I thought being thirty was the equivalent of having one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, now I see it much differently. I'm so excited about my thirties and everything God has in store for me. In my twenties, I graduated from college, was blessed with the sweetest thing I've ever known (my baby girl), got a masters degree and graduated from medical school. As I look back over all of those things and the many blessings, struggles and triumphs I endured, I can't help but to thank God so much for all He's done for me thus far. If He did all of those things in just 10 years, I can only imagine what he's going to do now.
I am spending my birthday in OB receiving this year (our OB/GYN ER). At first, I was a little bummed about it, but now that I think about it I realize that this year, I have the opportunity to spend my birthday living my dream; taking care of patients as an actual physician. What a birthday present for me! Those of you who have spoken to be in depth about how my residency has been going now that I had kind of grown to despise OB receiving and was becoming quite jaded secondary to the environment. What I needed to realize is that there is someone else who would give anything to be in my place. While there are those patients who roll in via ambulance for a headache that they've had for 30 minutes and haven't taken medicine for then get pissed about the wait and start acting a fool and subsequently pissing me off, there are also those patient's who really need and appreciate the care they receive. The environment isn't ideal, but I should always consider it a blessing to even have the opportunity to be here in the capacity that I'm in. Sometimes, being appreciative in the midst of all of the other BS is quite difficult. I'm not perfect and it certainly gets to me. I stay in prayer about it constantly. But I hope to always remember the reason I chose medicine and, most of all, the reason God chose me to practice medicine.
I was contemplating what I want for my life from this point forward and changes that I want to make. There are too many things to name, but I always pray for peace, especially with my job and that God will make me slow to anger. Lately, I've been very quick to anger and to the point where I say I'm just "over it." I know that that's not me, but rather the frustration talking. Residency is such a frustrating thing at times with the situations and personalities that come along with it, but I don't want it to change me. I'm normally a very sweet person unless I am pushed and I've been pushed a lot lately. Those who know me know what happens next. So, pray for your girl! LOL. I am also praying for my husband. I've been waiting for him for a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time!! LOL. Feel free to pray with me! I also want to begin to take the time to actually ENJOY my life and take better care of myself. I've been on the go for years now chasing my dream. I know that there's still more work to do, but I don't want to allow any more of my life to pass me by. I no longer want to be the friend that my friends invite to go places and do things knowing in the back of their heads that I won't be able to come because I'm working, studying, etc. I don't want to look back over my life with any regret. I could go on and on about this, but I'll spare y'all!
Though I'll be spending this day at work, I will be celebrating in Miami with a few friends next month and I plan to have a phenomenal time! I CANNOT WAIT! As I said before, I'm so excited to see what God has in store for my 30s. I hope that you all will continue to travel with me on my journey and continue to pray for me as I go through residency. I appreciate all of your support!
Mahogany Pearl: "I'm not a kid, I'm a girl, and TODAY is my birthday!" - Shirley Temple
Love, your favorite MD,
Keisha B.
I know it's been forever and three days since I have blogged. As always, things have been pretty busy from work to parenting to simply trying to get rest. I figured I should definitely blog today since it is a national holiday in all; MY 30th BIRTHDAY!!! Whoop-whoop! LOL. I remember the days when I thought being thirty was the equivalent of having one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, now I see it much differently. I'm so excited about my thirties and everything God has in store for me. In my twenties, I graduated from college, was blessed with the sweetest thing I've ever known (my baby girl), got a masters degree and graduated from medical school. As I look back over all of those things and the many blessings, struggles and triumphs I endured, I can't help but to thank God so much for all He's done for me thus far. If He did all of those things in just 10 years, I can only imagine what he's going to do now.
I am spending my birthday in OB receiving this year (our OB/GYN ER). At first, I was a little bummed about it, but now that I think about it I realize that this year, I have the opportunity to spend my birthday living my dream; taking care of patients as an actual physician. What a birthday present for me! Those of you who have spoken to be in depth about how my residency has been going now that I had kind of grown to despise OB receiving and was becoming quite jaded secondary to the environment. What I needed to realize is that there is someone else who would give anything to be in my place. While there are those patients who roll in via ambulance for a headache that they've had for 30 minutes and haven't taken medicine for then get pissed about the wait and start acting a fool and subsequently pissing me off, there are also those patient's who really need and appreciate the care they receive. The environment isn't ideal, but I should always consider it a blessing to even have the opportunity to be here in the capacity that I'm in. Sometimes, being appreciative in the midst of all of the other BS is quite difficult. I'm not perfect and it certainly gets to me. I stay in prayer about it constantly. But I hope to always remember the reason I chose medicine and, most of all, the reason God chose me to practice medicine.
I was contemplating what I want for my life from this point forward and changes that I want to make. There are too many things to name, but I always pray for peace, especially with my job and that God will make me slow to anger. Lately, I've been very quick to anger and to the point where I say I'm just "over it." I know that that's not me, but rather the frustration talking. Residency is such a frustrating thing at times with the situations and personalities that come along with it, but I don't want it to change me. I'm normally a very sweet person unless I am pushed and I've been pushed a lot lately. Those who know me know what happens next. So, pray for your girl! LOL. I am also praying for my husband. I've been waiting for him for a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time!! LOL. Feel free to pray with me! I also want to begin to take the time to actually ENJOY my life and take better care of myself. I've been on the go for years now chasing my dream. I know that there's still more work to do, but I don't want to allow any more of my life to pass me by. I no longer want to be the friend that my friends invite to go places and do things knowing in the back of their heads that I won't be able to come because I'm working, studying, etc. I don't want to look back over my life with any regret. I could go on and on about this, but I'll spare y'all!
Though I'll be spending this day at work, I will be celebrating in Miami with a few friends next month and I plan to have a phenomenal time! I CANNOT WAIT! As I said before, I'm so excited to see what God has in store for my 30s. I hope that you all will continue to travel with me on my journey and continue to pray for me as I go through residency. I appreciate all of your support!
Mahogany Pearl: "I'm not a kid, I'm a girl, and TODAY is my birthday!" - Shirley Temple
Love, your favorite MD,
Keisha B.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Intern.5
Hey y'all!!
It has been such a long time since I have blogged and a LOT has happened since the last time. I finally hit the half way mark and I am THRILLED!! I am more ready to have intern year over with than I've ever been. Match day is officially my next short term goal. Then, I will know for sure that there is an incoming class coming to release me! Sadly for them, intern year will soon be their burden to carry. LOL. As I reflect on the first half of my life as a physician, there have been many highs and lows. One of those lows, which is quite recent, has left an everlasting mark on me. It has ensured that I, nor that the way that I practice, will ever be the same. I made my first big mistake and while I am positive that the mistake has been made my many others, it (in concert with many other things having nothing to do with me) yielded an unfortunate outcome and I feel as if I've been wearing a scarlet letter ever since. I've been praying and asking God what it is that he wants me to get out of this; what's the big lesson he wants me to learn. I think it was more of a reminder for me that I am human. I get so caught up in trying to be the very best, constantly seeking perfection by my own means and losing sight of the goals He has for me to achieve. I also have gotten in the habit of pushing the happenings of life to the back of my mind not realizing the subconscious effect it has on me and my performance; always trying to deal with things internally while they have significant external effects. All of this brewed the perfect storm for "the mistake." Now, I'm just trying to get past it and learn every lesson there is to be learned from the experience. I'm much more high strung than usual (yeah, I didn't think I could get any more high strung either) and hyper-vigilant. But I also don't want to lose sight of the lesson that I was supposed to learn. It was clearly important for Him to teach it to me.
Aside from that, everything has been going ok. We are now repeating all of the rotations we've already done with the exception of the house officer month, which has been replaced with an ER month. I'm back on GYN and operating a lot. I LOVE the OR. I don't love it as much as I love delivering those sweet babies, but I love it. I've got a little more finesse than I once had and I am practicing so that I may get better and better (there's that ambitious perfectionist again). My hands don't shake nearly as much and my heart no longer drops when I enter the room. It's amazing the level of confidence one can build in only 6 months. Mine received quite a blow after "the mistake" but I refuse to let it bring me all the way down. Some very sweet people have told me that they think I'm a great doctor since that time. I think God knew I needed some reassurance, and boy was He right. So I greatly appreciated hearing those words.
We have our annual CREOG examination coming up next week. Every residency program has it's own test which assesses the residents knowledge of the different educational objectives. I feel totally unprepared. It is hard to find time to study during intern year, as you're happy to just find time to rest. Everyone keeps saying that you don't have to worry about the test during your intern year, but I would hate to fail it. Needless to say, that's on my plate of the many things that I'm worrying about.
Otherwise, things are status quo. I'm just keeping on keeping on. Sorry it's so brief and all over the place today. That's kind of how my mind is running lately. As always, I ask that you keep me in your prayers. Thank you for continuing to follow my journey!
Your favorite MD,
Keisha B.
Mahogany Pearl: "Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving." - Colossians 4:2
It has been such a long time since I have blogged and a LOT has happened since the last time. I finally hit the half way mark and I am THRILLED!! I am more ready to have intern year over with than I've ever been. Match day is officially my next short term goal. Then, I will know for sure that there is an incoming class coming to release me! Sadly for them, intern year will soon be their burden to carry. LOL. As I reflect on the first half of my life as a physician, there have been many highs and lows. One of those lows, which is quite recent, has left an everlasting mark on me. It has ensured that I, nor that the way that I practice, will ever be the same. I made my first big mistake and while I am positive that the mistake has been made my many others, it (in concert with many other things having nothing to do with me) yielded an unfortunate outcome and I feel as if I've been wearing a scarlet letter ever since. I've been praying and asking God what it is that he wants me to get out of this; what's the big lesson he wants me to learn. I think it was more of a reminder for me that I am human. I get so caught up in trying to be the very best, constantly seeking perfection by my own means and losing sight of the goals He has for me to achieve. I also have gotten in the habit of pushing the happenings of life to the back of my mind not realizing the subconscious effect it has on me and my performance; always trying to deal with things internally while they have significant external effects. All of this brewed the perfect storm for "the mistake." Now, I'm just trying to get past it and learn every lesson there is to be learned from the experience. I'm much more high strung than usual (yeah, I didn't think I could get any more high strung either) and hyper-vigilant. But I also don't want to lose sight of the lesson that I was supposed to learn. It was clearly important for Him to teach it to me.
Aside from that, everything has been going ok. We are now repeating all of the rotations we've already done with the exception of the house officer month, which has been replaced with an ER month. I'm back on GYN and operating a lot. I LOVE the OR. I don't love it as much as I love delivering those sweet babies, but I love it. I've got a little more finesse than I once had and I am practicing so that I may get better and better (there's that ambitious perfectionist again). My hands don't shake nearly as much and my heart no longer drops when I enter the room. It's amazing the level of confidence one can build in only 6 months. Mine received quite a blow after "the mistake" but I refuse to let it bring me all the way down. Some very sweet people have told me that they think I'm a great doctor since that time. I think God knew I needed some reassurance, and boy was He right. So I greatly appreciated hearing those words.
We have our annual CREOG examination coming up next week. Every residency program has it's own test which assesses the residents knowledge of the different educational objectives. I feel totally unprepared. It is hard to find time to study during intern year, as you're happy to just find time to rest. Everyone keeps saying that you don't have to worry about the test during your intern year, but I would hate to fail it. Needless to say, that's on my plate of the many things that I'm worrying about.
Otherwise, things are status quo. I'm just keeping on keeping on. Sorry it's so brief and all over the place today. That's kind of how my mind is running lately. As always, I ask that you keep me in your prayers. Thank you for continuing to follow my journey!
Your favorite MD,
Keisha B.
Mahogany Pearl: "Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving." - Colossians 4:2
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