Discomfort in Obedience

Hey Y'all,

Can you believe I'm actually writing another blog in a decent amount of time?!? Me either! I promised you all that I would try to do better and I plan to keep that promise. The last time I wrote, I was just finishing nights and about to begin 2 months as the OB IV or day shift Obstetrics Chief. I became the leader of the OB team which means, as I said previously, that I was the captain of the day obstetric ship. I served as the upper level for two very wonderful interns on labor and delivery as well as back up to the third years running the antepartum and postpartum services and Women's Urgent Care. In the months prior, I had worked with two second years who had a full year of experience under their belts. These last two months, I had the privilege of working with two brand new interns who had never run a labor delivery, had minimal exposure since their 4th year of medical school and had never done a cesarean section. I had to put my teaching hat on. It was quite the learning experience for all of us. I had gotten so used to people knowing exactly what to do and not having to explain why and how we did most things. I constantly had to remind myself that they were brand new at this and would have many questions and it would be my job to provide great leadership.

It ended up being a really great experience. I got the opportunity to show them how I do things. For example, how I labor patients, how I do deliveries, how I do cesarean sections and why I always put all of the layers back together on the way out (I have a "do unto others" policy. It's very hard to get your pre-baby body back when you have a huge separation between your muscles that your guts protrude through). As I said in a previous blog, what most of us do is what our upper level residents taught us in our first few years, as well as things we learn from our attendings. What you end up doing is choosing the methods you like best, mixed with a little bit of your own twang.  It was such a joy to watch them blossom over the course of their respective months; Watching them get comfortable managing patients, delivering a baby and handling instruments during c-sections. These are just a few examples of the major things you learn during your first year of residency. It would take 10 blogs to go through every single thing. It's literally like trying to drink from a fire hydrant. They both handled it very well. It was an honor to have had an opportunity to work with and teach them. They're going be awesome physicians.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the day nurses. Y'all already know how I feel about my nurses (yes, MY nurses. I don't want to share them. LOL)! I love them and clearly covet them. Just like the night nurses, they are just as wonderful and a joy to work with. We worked as a great team to provide the best care possible for not only normal laboring patients, but some of the sickest moms in the state and we did a damn good job of it if I must say so myself.  We respect one another, which is key for a great working relationship. We have built a quite a bond over the last 3.5 years. They've had the opportunity to watch me grow, just as I have the lower level residents that I have been working with. It's an honor to have been blessed to work along side them not only in the last 2 months, but throughout my matriculation. As always, I hope they enjoyed working with me as much as I did with them.

My time on labor and delivery has officially come to an end (with the exception of weekend call). I started my urogynecology rotation on November 1 and have desperately missed labor and delivery. One of my staff says that I am a laborist at heart and she is 100% correct. I like gynecology and I enjoy the surgeries, but my love is labor and delivery. I love taking care of pregnant and postpartum women; being with them through the most joyous and sometimes the most devastating times of their lives and caring for them when they're significantly ill. I can't even explain the joy I feel when I am blessed to be able to welcome a new life into the world, being the first to look them in their sweet little eyes and call them by name. If there's a word greater than love, that's how I feel about being a laborist. Older physicians always say "oh, you'll get over that once you get out into the real world." I pray that I NEVER lose that feeling. I hope that it always brings me joy. Yes, I know that I won't be able to make it to every single delivery, because I'd have to forsake my family to do so. However, I do plan to be present and experience those precious moments with my patient's as much as I can. While I plan to practice the full spectrum of general OB/Gyn when I graduate, I will likely become a OB Hospitalist later in life. We'll see.

I guess that's a good segue to discussing my job search. I asked for prayers for my job search and that I would know the job that's for me when I'm presented with it. I went on two interviews since my last blog; one in a small city outside of Fort Worth and another in a suburb of Arizona, which is an hour and a half away from my mom. Both were really great places. I got a call last week saying they wanted to offer me the job in Arizona. I was so pumped that someone would want me to come work for them and that it would be so close to my mom, as I worry about her being all alone up there with no family. I prayed for discernment. I asked the Lord to make it clear where He wanted me to be. When I received the letter of intent, I was disappointed and immediately got this funny feeling in my stomach. It was not quite what I'd dreamed it would be. I'd been told that you always have to negotiate these things and you should never accept the first offer. So, I negotiated pretty well. However, I still had this uneasiness in my spirit. I spoke to my family and my boyfriend about it and kept trying to talk myself into it, but I couldn't get that feeling to go away. I texted my cousin that I was gonna go ahead and take the job and she responded, "I thought God said no…" We went back and forth and she basically said all the things I needed to, but didn't want to hear. God had explicitly answered my prayer for discernment, yet I was planning to just ignore Him because I was so afraid that I wouldn't get another offer. What if I didn't get an offer from the other place I interviewed at? What if I don't get anymore interviews? Yet, the more I considered taking the job in Arizona, the worse I felt. Then my mom asked me if she wasn't there, would I still want to come and the answer was no.

I prayed on it some more and in the meantime started applying for some more jobs in Texas, which is where I really want to go; Houston to be exact. I have the state of Texas on my vision board that I made in January. I had spoken to a couple of recruiters back in May of this year, but they said I was a bit to early, but they'd keep my info on file. In my search since that time, I haven't been applying to the jobs with those recruiter's names on them because they already had my info. Something told me to send my info anyway. I began to get calls from the recruiters that day. While they had my info on file, I guess they needed a gentle reminder that I was still looking. So, I discussed what I was looking for with them and they said they'd submit my information to some of the groups that were looking for new partners. This morning, with an immense amount of fear and anxiety, I sent an email to the CEO of the group in Arizona respectfully declining the offer. Here I am with no other opportunities and I'm turning down a job! My stomach was turning. I'd obeyed God, but it was so uncomfortable. Within an hour of doing that, I got another email from a recruiter I had spoken with in days prior stating that 2 of the practices she submitted my information to wanted to do phone interviews with me next week! I just shook my head, laughed, looked up and said "Look at God!" I then told one of my good friends who just moved to Houston after completing residency this year and she knows the head of one of the practices I applied to and called to put in a good word for me. God was just showing out today! I am believing that He will reward my obedience with the job of my dream. I've written my vision and made it plain. I just have to be patient and wait for the opportunity that He wants me to have and continue to listen to his guidance and follow His lead, even when it's uncomfortable. I'm still praying to have a job before the end of December, but I know it'll happen in God's timing. He didn't bring me this far to leave me! As my cousin Amber would say, He WILL add the SUPER to my natural!

While I'm waiting for my dream job, my residency journey continues with several months of gynecology ahead. As I said, I'm on urogynecology this month which deals with pelvic floor dysfunction, urinary incontinence, etc. Then I go to Gyn/Onc, which y'all know I love. While it's sometimes a heart breaking service, it has some of the sweetest patient's you'll ever meet. I plan to blog again once that rotation is complete. In the mean time, I ask that you continue to pray for me and my little one. We have 217 more days to go! I also ask that you continue to pray for "my situation" that I requested prayers for in my last blog. It is not yet resolved, however I know God is still in control and I believe that the Lord will bring me out! The devil is busy, but my God is GREATER! Thank y'all so much for your continued to support. You're the best!!


Until next time….

Your Favorite MD,

Keisha B.


Mahogany Pearl: "Be obedient even when you do not know where obedience may lead you." - Sinclair Ferguson


P.S. - Funny story about the effect my residency has had on my child: We haven't had to get up as early since I haven't been on shift work. Yesterday morning, she asked "why don't we get up at 5AM anymore." I explained that I'm no longer on shift work so I don't have to be at work as early. She was really upset about it and was walking around the house mumbling to herself saying "I just don't understand why we're not getting up early anymore. It just doesn't make sense." So I stopped that foolishness very sternly and explained that it is NOT NORMAL for a child to wake up at 5AM even on a school day and that most of her friends probably don't wake up until 6:45 or 7 am. She replied,"well, I think it's okay." Then I said, "That's why I'm the mama and you're the child. Now hush and get in there and get your clothes on" Lord, help me! LOL.

My baby was Auntie Em in the 2nd grade play :-)

What Will Your Legacy Be?

Hey Y'all,

I always tell you all that I'm going to try to do better about writing my blog. My goal is to write one after I complete each rotation. Tonight, I'm writing my blog from the couch in the residents lounge, as this is my last night of the night shift. I have completed two long and quite hard months of nights. While it was taxing on me and my little one, it was undoubtedly one of the best experiences I've had since I started residency. As I said in my last blog, our night team consists of 4 people. The chief (me), two second year residents and our staff. The chief is the captain of the ship, or the junior attending as our night staff calls us. The chief is in charge of the ENTIRE hospital. Everything that happens is supposed to be run by them and they are involved in every aspect of patient care from the basement to the top floor of the hospital as well as consults. There is a second year on labor and delivery and a second year in our urgent care. The second year in urgent care is also responsible for answering floor calls and consult pages.

Nights are very unpredictable. There were a few nights where we weren't very busy at all. However, most nights we were extremely busy and bursting at the seams with inpatients and urgent care patients. There were even quite a few nights where we had two emergent surgeries going on at one time in addition to a full complement of patients. We had to do all of this with FOUR people covering the entire hospital. With nights, either you sink or swim. I prayed for us all to be able to swim before I started and we did just that. I am so grateful to my staff for allowing me to have so much autonomy. He allowed me to steer the night shift ship and make decisions on my own. I really feel like I matured and grew my wings over the last few months. I am much more confident and feel much more prepared for the outside world than I did when I started. It has been a WONDERFUL experience.

I also had a GREAT team of people at night. The night nurses are fantastic. They work well in critical situations (we had our share) and were always on top of things. I love them even more now than I did when I completed my 2nd year night shifts. I also could not have asked for a better set of 2nd years to work with. They are smart, efficient, thoughtful, self-sufficient, hard working and they make sound clinical decisions. They each have their own separate strengths and recognize weaknesses (while they are few) and always try to work on those things. They are great people AND great physicians who I would gladly allow to care for me or my loved ones. It was an absolute joy to work along side them and teach them.

I've worked closely with them since they started their residency journey in July of 2014, so I've had an opportunity to really watch them learn, grow and mature. They have really made me proud. It has been very interesting to watch them interact with patients because I find that they manage patients very similarly to the way I do and they even speak to patients and use the same wording as they have heard me use throughout the years. For example, they both talk patients through cervical examinations like I do. Also, when a patient is pushing, I always say "hold a little pressure on that baby between pushes because they're like little turtle heads, they try to sneak back in there because it's cold out here" and I noticed that one of them has now added that to their arsenal of things they say to help the patient through that process. 

As I noticed this, it made me think about what my residency legacy will be and ultimately what my life legacy will be. When I first started residency, all I wanted to do was stay afloat and try to become the best doctor I can be. Now, I not only want to be the best doctor I can be, but I also want to help those that are under me become the best that they can be. I'm not perfect, but I try my best to lead by example. You can't ask someone to come to work and give it 110% when you are barely giving 80%. A lot of what we learn and subsequently do comes from what we see the people leading us do. Just like with parenting, what matters most is not what you say, but what you do; the example you set. It is my prayer that these girls, and anyone else I work with, will look back on their time with me and be able to say that they enjoyed working with me and that they learned something from me. I think we all want to leave the world a little better than we found it. Teaching others, who subsequently teach others is a good way to do that. I hope that I leave an indelible mark on the people I work with and on the program as the chief resident.

I did my end-of-the-two-months feedback with them yesterday and allowed them to give me feedback at the end. They both said that they want to "be a bad ass like Keisha Bell when I grow up" then they cited some examples. I laughed and shook my head, but I was quite flattered and incredibly humbled by  the fact that anyone would want to be like me and that God has allowed me to be an example that others would even want to follow. All I could do was take a moment to thank God, as it is because of Him that I am. I never want to forget that. It's very easy to get caught up in compliments and positive affirmations and start to think that YOU have done something with God has done EVERY THING. I'll never be able to thank Him enough. 

As this journey as the night chief comes to an end, tomorrow I will embark on a new journey at the day chief which comes with it's own set of obstacles and learning/teaching opportunities. I will now be working with interns and it will be their first time in the role of the labor and delivery intern and OB I. While there are more people in house during the day, the responsibility to just as great, but in a different way. I have a little anxiety, as I always do, but I know that God will carry me through. I hope that when these next two months are over, I will look back on them as fondly as I am able to do for nights. 

As for life outside of work over the last few months, it's been quite a roller coaster. I chose to do nights first because my daughter would be on summer vacation 6 of the 8 weeks. However, it was still hard on her to be away from home 6 nights a week. It was also hard for me because I only got to see her a few hours a day. In order to spend time with her I had to wake up much earlier than my night counterparts, which made me one sleep-deprived mama. Thankfully, it's over now. As always, we survived and will live to tell the tale. She started 2nd grade 2 weeks ago and is loving every second of it. She always has an ear full for me when I pick her up. She is such a joy and continues to be the light of my life. 

We have 2 months down and 10 more to go (290 days to be exact)!! I pray that they go by quickly, but that I also enjoy the ride. I ask that you all continue to keep me and my family in your prayers. I am going through something pretty significant right now. I don't want to say specifically, but I just ask that you pray for my situation and that I continue to do well in residency in spite of everything else that going on outside of it. I ask that you pray for my baby girl and that she does well in school this year and that she comes out of this last year of residency unscathed. I also ask that you pray for my job search and that God will lead me to the exact place that he wants me to practice and that I know it when I see it.

I thank you all for your continued support. I have appreciated every encouraging comment and am thankful for every prayer. I hope you all have a good September and October. I plan to write again when I complete my two months of days.

Until then,

Your Favorite MD, Keisha B.

Mahogany Pearl: "Legacy is not what's left tomorrow when you're gone. It is what you give, create, impact and contribute today while you're here that then happens to live on." - Rasheed Ogunlaru

The #1 Night Team :-)

Doing her daily reading

First day of 2nd grade!

Our annual post-first day of school dinner at Primos :-)

The Last Leg

Hey Y'all,


Long time no blog, huh?? Y'all know the deal by now. I've been super busy, as always, so it has been approximately 4 months since my last entry. When I last blogged, I was about to begin my rotation in Hattiesburg, MS at Forrest General Hospital. I was nervous as I always am when I'm starting something new. I was concerned about it because I'm an extremely introverted person and I don't feel I do well in new social situations. To my surprise, it went extremely well. The people I worked with there were so warm, welcoming and friendly. I walked into the building meeting strangers and walked out for the last time with friends. The experience was such a wonderful one. I operated Monday through Thursday doing 4 cases a day on average, sometimes up to 7 or 8. This was another reason I was nervous because I wasn't as confident in my GYN surgical skills as I was with my Obstetrics skills. Most programs are OB heavy in the first years and I had not had a lot of gynecologic surgery experience. I walked into that hospital feeling like a novice and walked out feeling very confident in my skills. The rotation was priceless. However, I don't feel that I was able to enjoy it 100% because I had to drive there and back every day, 182 miles a day. I was getting up before the crack of dawn to get there in time to round on patients and be ready to operate by 7:30. It was taxing on me, my vehicle and my pockets. So, instead of truly enjoying my "time away" I was counting down the days until it was over. In spite of this, I still wouldn't trade the experience for anything. It was something that I really needed.

During my time away, I also started my job search since I will be graduating from residency in 353 days, but who's counting?? Those of you who know me well know how I am about timeliness and doing things early. In this situation, being timely has only added to my anxiety because most of the recruiters I spoke with said that I was too early, as they were still placing 2015 graduates. I've decided to move away when I graduate, as I have ALWAYS been in this city. I've NEVER left; not for college, masters, doctorate or residency. I want my little family to experience the big city life for a little while, so I'm trying to get us to Texas. I've also put my feelers out in Georgia and Tennessee. However, my goal is to get to one of the big cities in Texas (Houston, DFW, Austin). Though most people said I was too early, I did get an interview in Corpus Christi, TX. I went in May and I think it went well. The practice was wonderful, but I also want to see what else is out there before committing to something, as this will be at least a 2 year commitment. Please pray for me and my job hunt because, as always, I'm worried about it. I would like to have a job locked in by December of this year so that I can make plans for moving, getting Jai in school, buying a house, etc.

After those four long months traveling to Hattiesburg, I have come back to my home hospital. Those of us who are away last have to come back a couple of weeks early to cover the outgoing seniors' labor and delivery shifts after they graduate. So I returned as the acting senior on labor and delivery days. Y'all know how much I love obstetrics so I was so excited to get back to my first OB/GYN love: labor and delivery. Returning as the acting senior has meant a big change for me. Instead of actively managing the patients, going from room to room checking people, interacting with the patients and delivering the babies, I'm in more of a supervisory role. I'm chart checking to ensure things are getting done, supervising deliveries and teaching the lower level resident. I'm "in charge" of everything. It's been a big deal for me because, while I'm advancing as the program is designed, I feel a little sad because I'm losing a lot of direct patient care which I enjoy so much. I have to step back and allow the lower level resident to actively manage the patients while I lie low in the background ensuring that everything is being done appropriately. It's a lot like being a parent. Initially you do everything and at some point, when your children grow up, you have to step back, offer guidance and lead by example. I'm working with a really great intern who is fun to work with and eager to learn. So, this past week as acting senior has been a good experience. It's just been different.

Today was my last day as the acting senior. Tomorrow, I become a REAL senior resident. Tomorrow, I will begin the last leg of this residency race. While I have an appropriate level of fear and anxiety about stepping into that role, I also have a lot of excitement and joy. It seems like I just started residency yesterday and now I'm a SENIOR! I can hardly believe it! I feel so blessed and I'm so amazed at how far I have come. Lately, there have been times when I have been operating and I found myself staring at my hands in awe of what they can do now. In those times, I just thank God because it is truly amazing. It's a gift. This year I will have an opportunity to grow. I'll be emerging from my cocoon with my new wings and learning to fly on my own. This year will be preparing me to go out into practice on my own. I pray that I take full advantage of every opportunity I'm given this year to learn, to grow, to teach, to reach higher than I ever have.

I will also go from being the chief resident elect to the actual chief resident, which is also a great responsibility. As with anything, I want to give it all I have and do the very best job I can. I pray to be fair, consistent, hard working and efficient and to lead by example. I hope to make the people who thought I could do this job proud, but most of all I want the job I do to be pleasing to God, as he is the one who truly chose me. I have to remind myself that before I was born he knew me and laid this path out for me. Thus, he is always in control and nothing happens, good or bad, without his approval. So, he has been preparing me for my chief year over the last three years.

I will be starting on nights as the captain of the night float ship. There are only 3 residents, including myself at night and one staff. There is a 2nd year on labor and deliver and a 2nd year in our urgent care who is also first call. So that's only 3 people covering the whole hospital. It's kind of scary to think that I will be in charge, but I know deep down that I have been properly prepared for this. I will be working with a great team of girls, who are very hard working, smart and care about patients. They're pretty awesome to say the least. I pray that I am a good leader and teacher for them in their first months as second year residents. I call us the #1 night team and I hope that we live up to that name. I will do nights for 2 months straight, which also means I'll be away from home every night 6 nights a week, which also stresses me out. Every senior has to do 2 months of nights. I scheduled myself for nights first because my baby girl is out of school for the summer and doing it first means I won't have to be away at night while she's in school. I'll only be on nights the first 2 weeks of school. Last time I was on nights, my mama basically moved in and helped me take care of her. Now that she's moved away, the situation is much more difficult. But I'm praying the plans I've worked out run smoothly.

After the two months of nights, I will do two months as the Chief of the obstetrics service, running labor and deliver with a brand new intern and ensuring the antepartum and postpartum services run smoothly, AND being 3rd call for the hospital. Much to stress about? I think so! The senior you work with on labor and delivery during your intern year truly helps mold you into the obstetrician you're going to be. Many of the things I do now are how my senior did them. Of course, you find your own style, but the people you work with during your lower level years truly help shape you. The first things you learn either come from a book, staff or your upper level. So, again, I must lead by example. I must ensure that I really take time to teach her not only about what we do, but why we do the things we do. Just like last year, I'll be wholly responsible for the lower level resident. Any mistakes they make are my mistakes as well, so there's a lot riding on all of the 4th years' shoulders. On top of all of that, I have my chief resident duties. I'm absolutely not complaining, because I'm thankful for every opportunity. I just have a healthy level of anxiety and fear.

As you can sense, I am very excited about what's to come but I am also praying that it goes by quickly. As people say, the struggle is real. It's not easy being a resident and a single parent. My baby girl has sacrificed so much over the last 7 years (medical school and residency). Many are sacrifices that she doesn't even know she's made. This lifestyle is all she knows. When I started medical school, she had just turned a year old. She became well known to my medical school classmates because I would bring her with me to the classroom wing to study. I would bring her sleep mat and a DVD player and we would stay there for hours studying. Now she's well known by all the residents, attendings, scrub techs and nurses because she's spent a lot of time at the hospital, hanging out in the residents lounge. It's not the average life of an 8 year old (she turned 8 on June 21st!). I can't go on field trips, I miss special events, we don't make half the birthday parties, etc. However, I know that what I'm doing is for us both and I pray that when she is older she will understand that. The last 6 months have been particularly difficult for me, but I have tried to remind myself that I only have one more year and God didn't bring me this far to leave me.   Residency has been hard both emotionally and financially, but now the finish line is in my view and I'm running toward it with perseverance.

Thank you all for continuing to follow me on this journey. I appreciate your support more than you know. As always, I ask that you continue to lift Jai and I up in prayer. I put a few pictures of my baby girl throughout our medical school and residency journey. Looking at them brings back great memories makes me smile. I love her so much. :-)


Until next time,

Your favorite MD,  Keisha B.

Mahogany Pearl: "When you enter his presence with praise, He enters your circumstances with power." 

Drinking "coffee" AKA chocolate milk from Cups (Age 2)

Helping mama prepare for her M3 clinical rotations

Sleeping in the classroom wing while mama studied for the STEP

Practicing her physical exam skills on her aunt

She and I at match day

After the long coat ceremony at the end of medical school

The day of graduation

Same pose, different days.

Graduation

One of my FAVORITE pictures

Eating breakfast in the hospital cafeteria. 

Rounding on Gyn/Oncology after being invited by my sweet attending

Reading Williams Obstetrics to brush up on her OB knowledge 

For I Know the Plans I Have for You….

Hey sweet friends and family of mine!

It has been eons since I have had the time to write my blog and, of course, a lot has happened in the last 4 months. I have completed all of my obstetric months for my third year and survived 2 months of gynecology oncology back-to-back. I am now preparing to go "away" to Hattiesburg for 4 months for my rotation, which I'll talk more about later. I've also had quite a few things happen in my personal life during this time. My grandfather passed away, unexpectedly, in November. It's something I'm still dealing with as he was the only grandfather I ever had and he was a wonderful one. He was truly one of the greatest men I've ever known. While I'm so thankful that he was there for all of the big milestones and achievements in my life up until that time, I am saddened by the fact that he won't get to see me get married, watch me graduate from residency, get my first real job, etc. I know he will be looking down on me with great pride, but it's not the same as having him here. I also have regrets about not spending time with him like I should have and not telling him what he meant to me while he had a chance to hear it. With every experience like this, I am reminded that you cannot allow life to get so busy that you don't take time for the one's that you love because once they're gone, so is your opportunity.

I've also been going through some pretty serious financial things, as it is difficult being a resident on a resident's salary and raising a child. When you throw other craziness on top of that, sometimes it feels as though I can barely keep my head above water. I have always been the type to handle things on my own and not share my struggles and difficulties with anyone. I think I get that from those who raised me. But I am thankful for friends and family who are able to read me well and reach out to offer a helping hand when I am too stubborn to ask. I struggled with whether or not I should even write this here, but something in my spirit told me that there may be someone in the same situation who needs to read this and know that in spite of everything, God is still Good. He continues to make a way out of what I thought was no way. I cant even tell you how He's been moving in my life, ensuring that Jai's and my needs are met. There is no way I can ever thank Him for all He has done and is doing for me, nor can I ever thank His earthly angels enough. He is truly Jehovah Jireh.

In January, I had another unexpected loss. I was on oncology and one of our patients, whom I had gotten to know quite well since I met her when I was a second year, passed away. Her passing hit me really hard, to the point where I shed tears and would even dream about her at night. I didn't understand why I was taking it so hard, but it felt like I had lost a family member. I had been there during the most tough time of her life and I kept remembering one of our last conversations when I hugged her and told her the decision for how she would move forward was hers and we would be there to support her in whatever she decided to do. Her death was also unexpected, and because I was on vacation that week, I had not had a chance to see her or say see you later. It really bothered my soul. However, I am so glad that she is now fully restored and with the Lord. This reminded me of one of the many reasons why I could never be a Gyn/Oncologist, but also reaffirmed that medicine is my calling. He puts me in these situations and allows me to form these relationships for a reason. I know she was thankful for the roles we played in her life and the care we gave because she always made it a point to say so. I consider it an honor and a privilege to have been a part of her healthcare team. I'll just have to take the tears and heartache that sometimes comes with it.

Now, on to February. My little brother Chris was deployed this past Monday and can be gone for up to 400 days. If you know me, you know I sometimes have the habit of pretending things aren't happening so I don't have to deal with them. This is what I did in this situation. I helped my mom in raising Chris while she was working and traveling to support us (for which we are so proud of her!). I took him everywhere with me, went to his parent-teacher conferences, took him to his after school activities, etc. Our relationship hit a rocky spot and never really got back on track, but my love for him has never changed. I'm afraid for him going off to serve our country with all that is going on with ISIS and other dangers that we are unaware of and it saddens me that he's going away without our relationship being fixed. With all that we've been through together, we have to fix it. Honestly, I need a better relationship with all of my siblings. Hopefully I will have a chance to make that happen.

With all of the aforementioned going on in addition to some things that I have chosen to keep to myself, it can be easily assumed that the last few months weren't great for me. However, I continued to pray, ask others to pray with and for me, and trust and believe that God would make a way and bring me peace. I began meditating on Psalm 91 and started getting up 15 minutes earlier every morning to spend some alone time with God, reading my devotion and praying. It has made a world of difference! If you don't do it, I highly recommend that you start. It has helped me to continue pressing forward and ensure that nothing that I have going on affects my work. I also decided that I was going to ensure that I found at least one thing to be thankful for every day. I know I'm going through some things but there are other people who are going through things that are much worse. It could be me in those situations, but God….

I've slowly been seeing breakthroughs that I know no one could have made happen but the Lord. He continues to show me His goodness daily. Then, He started to show out! On the evening of the day my brother was deployed, I received a call from our residency program director informing me that I had been chosen for the position of Administrative Chief Resident for our residency program. I was speechless. Everyone close to me knows that I truly never thought I could or would ever be the chief resident. My personality is so much different than most of the people in my program and I have been called brash and tough. I speak my mind and really don't take crap from people and sometimes that doesn't go over well. While I always work my behind off and try to provide the very best patient care that I can, I've always felt that it was kind of overlooked. No, I don't feel like people should be patting me on the back all the time, but when you work 80 hours a week and are away from your family, a "good job" here and there goes a long way. I didn't feel like the work I did was acknowledged but, I always made it a point to continue to work hard, because I want what I do to be pleasing to God. He blessed me to be in this situation. There aren't many people who can say that they are living a dream that they had for themselves since they were 6 years old, but I can. To half do my job would be spitting in the face of God. Monday, with that call, I realized that people have been watching and taking notice. Most of all, God has been watching and for me, this felt like a "well done." I am so humbled by it and still can't believe it happened. The announcement was made to everyone on my birthday (2/20); what a great birthday gift! I was a little hurt that there were a couple of people who didn't even say congratulations, especially one person who I had been there for many times throughout the years, but it still couldn't take away my joy. My God, and clearly many others, think I am deserving whether they do or not. And I have some really great family, friends, a some fellow residents who are thrilled and so proud. My baby girl said she is so proud of me for becoming "Chief President"

I pray that I will do this job in a way that is pleasing to Him. I pray that He keeps me in line and always ensures that I am fair and do things the way He would have me to do them. I need y'all to pray with me that He will control my tongue, as I will now be sitting in meetings with staff and the chair of my department as well as chiefs of other departments and I need to always be productive in my conversations. I pray that I work well with the Education Chief. I pray for patience in learning the position and in dealing with my fellow residents and I pray for humility. Most of all I just pray to do a great job and that I always remember who it is I truly serve.

At times like this I always think of my granny, and now my grandaddy, who I would love to call and tell this good news to. If I could just pick up the phone one more time and talk them and hear the their voices it would mean so much to me. I just hope they are proud of me.

I consider this blog a bit of a testimony. Just when you think you're in the depths of the valley, God will find a way to shine a little light on you. There is no testimony without a test and no rainbow without preceding rain. While everything is not A-okay, I thank God for everything he has done and is doing in my life and I will continue to try to dance in the rain while I wait on the rainbows. Be blessed!


Until next time,

Your favorite MD, Keisha B, Administrative Chief Resident 2015-2016 :-)

Mahogany Pearl: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

 My grandmama, grandaddy and me at my Med School Graduation

They were together 44 years!

 My baby brother Chris and I at his high school graduation

 My baby girl, ready to celebrate my birthday with me

 My very delicious birthday cake, courtesy of one of my best friends, Tope :-)

 Friends who came to celebrate with me (minus Stanitia and Sheeda)

 My little love and me

My little love, big love and me :-)