It feels like it has been forever and 3 days since I've written my blog. I've been extremely busy between work and parenting over the last three months. Since the last time I blogged, I've been through 3 rotations: Clinic, Labor and Delivery (my favorite!) and now OB-1. You're probably thinking "I thought you already did those things," but we rotate through everything twice; once in the first half of the year and again in the second half of the year. I really wish I had an opportunity to blog while on labor and delivery because I had such great experiences there. I operated A LOT, which I love, and delivered a lot of sweet beautiful babies. I could probably do a normal cesarean section with my eyes closed now and my hands no longer shake like I'm on a caffeine high. It's amazing the changes that have come over the course of the year! I also had a great senior resident who allowed me to really run the suite like it was my own, allowing me to do things my way and attempt to develop my own style. He was awesome and I will truly miss him next year.
Currently, I am the OB-I. I do the scheduled procedures (c-sections, dilation and curettage, cerclages, etc), go to OB high risk clinic, round at 4am and act as the house officer (carrying the first call pager and doing floor work). The most miserable part of the job is the 4am rounding, but thank God I have become more efficient. I actually get there around 4:30-4:45 now and am able to see patients and get done rounding in time to sign out to my senior. Again, it is amazing what can happen over the course of a year!
Now that my intern year is drawing to a close, I've been reflecting on the experience a lot. I never would have thought that I would be where I am now. We (the interns) have all become so much more confident in our abilities and are able to do things we never thought we would be able to do. The very things that used to terrify me in the beginning are things that I can handle on my own now. Yes, there is still so much to learn and so much more growth in store. I would be a fool to think that I've learned it all and am the greatest thing since sliced bread when it comes to OB/Gyn. I'm merely saying that I'm no longer that M4.5 who walked into the hospital on July 1, 2012 scared out of her mind. God has really kept me through this year and I owe everything to him. There were many times when I was so over residency and thought about switching programs or even quitting. But He wouldn't allow me to do that. This is the plan that HE had for my life and I tried to continuously tell myself that if He brought me to it, He would bring me through it and He did! I have 41 days left of intern year!!!!!! On July 1, 2013 I will be a PGY-2 (2nd year resident)! This year, as hard as it was, really flew by. I hope the rest of it will as well.
As for my personal life, I'm still struggling with balancing work, motherhood and making an attempt at having time for Keisha. It is hard for me to justify to myself having "me" time when I'm spending 80 hours a week at work with so little quality time to spend with Jai. So, any time I have away from work is spent with her. I rarely go out and do anything. The last thing I want is for my daughter to get older and say, "all my mama ever did was work and when she wasn't at work she didn't spend time with me." Before I started residency, I spent so much time with her. I was at the school parties, taking her to birthday parties on the weekend, had her with me wherever I went, etc; Mom stuff. Now, I don't really get to do those things and it hurts me to my core every time she asks me if I'm coming to something at her school and I have to say no. So, how can I go out with my friends or on a date when I can barely be the mom that I want to be. I went to Miami for 2 days to celebrate my 30th birthday and felt terrible about it. I know that this will be my continuous struggle over the next 3 years, because the hours are not going to change. I just pray that I learn to find a balance so that my baby girl always knows that she is loved and that this journey is for the betterment of us both and so that I can make a little time for me to be able to let someone else into my life and not be alone for another 3 years.
So, that's my update. I apologize that it has been so long since I last blogged (I know I say that every time, but I do mean it). I thank all of you who continue to take this journey with me through this blog and those of you have prayed for me along the way. I pray that you continue to pray with me and for me throughout the rest of this journey. Feel free to comment on the blogs. I enjoy reading them! Y'all have a good week! Until next time....
Mahogany Pearl: "Man is never so tall as when he kneels before God- never so great as when he humbles himself before God. And the man who kneels to God can stand up to anything" - Louis H. Evans
Love, Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B.
My sweet love posing in front of Primo's
Me and my girls in Miami for my birthday celebration! Love them!
