Hey y'all!!
It has been such a long time since I have blogged and a LOT has happened since the last time. I finally hit the half way mark and I am THRILLED!! I am more ready to have intern year over with than I've ever been. Match day is officially my next short term goal. Then, I will know for sure that there is an incoming class coming to release me! Sadly for them, intern year will soon be their burden to carry. LOL. As I reflect on the first half of my life as a physician, there have been many highs and lows. One of those lows, which is quite recent, has left an everlasting mark on me. It has ensured that I, nor that the way that I practice, will ever be the same. I made my first big mistake and while I am positive that the mistake has been made my many others, it (in concert with many other things having nothing to do with me) yielded an unfortunate outcome and I feel as if I've been wearing a scarlet letter ever since. I've been praying and asking God what it is that he wants me to get out of this; what's the big lesson he wants me to learn. I think it was more of a reminder for me that I am human. I get so caught up in trying to be the very best, constantly seeking perfection by my own means and losing sight of the goals He has for me to achieve. I also have gotten in the habit of pushing the happenings of life to the back of my mind not realizing the subconscious effect it has on me and my performance; always trying to deal with things internally while they have significant external effects. All of this brewed the perfect storm for "the mistake." Now, I'm just trying to get past it and learn every lesson there is to be learned from the experience. I'm much more high strung than usual (yeah, I didn't think I could get any more high strung either) and hyper-vigilant. But I also don't want to lose sight of the lesson that I was supposed to learn. It was clearly important for Him to teach it to me.
Aside from that, everything has been going ok. We are now repeating all of the rotations we've already done with the exception of the house officer month, which has been replaced with an ER month. I'm back on GYN and operating a lot. I LOVE the OR. I don't love it as much as I love delivering those sweet babies, but I love it. I've got a little more finesse than I once had and I am practicing so that I may get better and better (there's that ambitious perfectionist again). My hands don't shake nearly as much and my heart no longer drops when I enter the room. It's amazing the level of confidence one can build in only 6 months. Mine received quite a blow after "the mistake" but I refuse to let it bring me all the way down. Some very sweet people have told me that they think I'm a great doctor since that time. I think God knew I needed some reassurance, and boy was He right. So I greatly appreciated hearing those words.
We have our annual CREOG examination coming up next week. Every residency program has it's own test which assesses the residents knowledge of the different educational objectives. I feel totally unprepared. It is hard to find time to study during intern year, as you're happy to just find time to rest. Everyone keeps saying that you don't have to worry about the test during your intern year, but I would hate to fail it. Needless to say, that's on my plate of the many things that I'm worrying about.
Otherwise, things are status quo. I'm just keeping on keeping on. Sorry it's so brief and all over the place today. That's kind of how my mind is running lately. As always, I ask that you keep me in your prayers. Thank you for continuing to follow my journey!
Your favorite MD,
Keisha B.
Mahogany Pearl: "Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving." - Colossians 4:2
