I've made it to the middle of my 2nd rotation! The days since my last blog have been quite eventful. I finally got into the OR and did my very first c-section as a surgeon! I was so nervous that my hands were shaking. I told y'all I would probably be like a bumbling fool in the OR and I was! Thankfully, my upper level was very patient with me. One thing that I really liked about our program here at the U is that we get to operate during our intern year. You have to wait until the second semester or even 2nd year in other programs. They only allow the interns to assist, i.e. retract. I prepped the patient, scrubbed in and my senior and I draped the patient together. After we were all set to go, I just knew she was going to do the whole thing since this was my first one (we're all about "see one, do one, teach one" at the U). But, to my surprise, she immediately said, "Knife to Dr. Bell." I was PETRIFIED! I had been studying the procedure like a maniac, but my mind went totally blank. Thankfully, she was there to guide me. She would ask me what instruments I wanted next, advise me as to how to properly dissect, etc. I really liked that she would give me constructive criticism when I needed to improve and tell me when she thought I did a good job. I tried to liken myself to a sponge and absorb everything she had to teach me to ensure that I improve and that I don't make the same mistake again. It was an AWESOME experience!
I think I've gotten better at my duties as OB-I and I take keeping "the book" very seriously. I've even developed a color coded system (I know, I know...I'm lame! LOL!). I've always taken any job that I have seriously and do the very best that I can in my capacity. Therefore, I really enjoy getting the calls to schedule patients for their inductions or procedures. EPIC frustrates the heck out of me sometimes though because it won't allow me to do a lot of the pre-admission work days before hand, as I would prefer to do it. But I'm sure that's just me being anal. I'm also enjoying the other facets of my role this month. I've learned how to round more efficiently so that I can get a few extra minutes of sleep in the morning! I'm also learning how to be more efficient in clinic so that I may see more patients. Clinic is very fast-paced, but I'm enjoying it.
On an entirely different note, if you remember my last blog, you remember me speaking about my "test" a few weeks ago. A new test came this week when I was told by someone at work that I come off as if I have an attitude and have been perceived by many to be giving attitude. Of course, it upset me because I don't knowingly give anybody attitude at work. There is more to this ordeal that I don't want to go into, but it made me do some soul searching. I know that I am a very serious person. I'm not one who is very giggly and playful and I can be very intense. My brothers call me Eva (as in Deliver Us From Eva) because I'm very blunt, straight forward and sometimes brash. I never mean anyone any harm, I'm just very direct. I think it comes from being the eldest of 8 children and a mother. I've acted as a mother figure for most of my life, standing in for my mom when she was working her butt off for Ameristar. So, I've always been really serious. People who don't really know me can take this as attitude. Even in silence, I could be thought to have an attitude or be angry. I also know that if someone raises their voice at me, my natural reaction is to raise mine as well. But most of you who really know me know that if I REALLY had an attitude, EVERYONE would know it! LOL....but seriously, I don't hide my feelings well.
I've realized that I have to be more mindful of this but, I also hope that people will take the opportunity to actually get to know me so that they may see that I'm definitely not the intern with the attitude. That is far from who I am. I am here to learn and I want people to want to work with me and teach me. Being perceived in this way will get in the way of my training and I refuse to allow that to happen. While I don't feel that I should have to change who I am for other people, I do have to be more aware of the "aura" I give off. I know for sure that I will have a good working relationship with those who choose to actually get to know me. Assuming that a person is a certain way and not taking an opportunity to get to know them is an injustice to that person and sometimes not getting to know them can be your loss. (That lesson is for me as well.) So, I'm praying about it. This whole experience is a learning experience. I learn something new everyday. I try to get the lesson out of everything so that I can become not only a better physician, but a better person.
On a much lighter (and exciting) note, Jai started Kindergarten this Monday (see pictures below)! My baby is a big girl now! She looked so cute in her little uniform and she was so excited! She got out of the car and almost didn't say goodbye! She really enjoyed her first day and talked a mile a minute when I picked her up from aftercare about all of the awesome things she did! I can't believe she has grown up so fast. I love that little girl. She keeps her mama sane! She is also what keeps me going when I feel like this thing is getting tough! I'm so thankful for her presence in my life. Who am I that He would have blessed me with such a wonderful treasure??
That's all for now. Keep praying for me, y'all!! I need it! :-)
Mahogany Pearl: "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." - Peter F. Drucker
Love, Your Favorite MD,
Keisha B. :-)
I really do appreciate your honesty in how you are sharing this journey; it tells me what I need to PRAY about with you for one. Then it excites me to think about how you are growing into be a good doctor that even one of my granddaughters may call upon one day == sho' won't be ole granny me!!!
ReplyDeleteToo many times I hear people say, "I don't care what nobody think about me" == in fact just a few weeks ago I challenged a young man on that very comment. I'm proud to hear you talk about why its important what others think of you; you are correct too == its not all about changing to meet them because sometimes it just might mean they don't understand you because you are more mature and at a higher level of life than they are. Yes, its serious business when you learn with God and he "moves you to another level" == even today I have to just smile harder around some people that feel I "intimidate" them when all I try and do is share my love with all. So, you know if I'm still working on that and I'm now a senior citizen, its not something that happens over night and may even take constant working at it and praying about it == but you're going to be ok because I'm praying with YOU! Keep going forward....