New Beginnings

Hey Everybody!!!

I made it through my first month!! There are many times when I thought I wouldn't, but I did. It actually went by much faster than I thought it would. I hope the remainder of my intern year feels that way. I am now the OB-1 (or OB-1-Kenobie as one of my favorite friends called me). I am the keeper of the coveted black book in which scheduled c-sections, inductions of labor, scheduled dilation and curettage and cerclages are scheduled. I have to post the scheduled c-sections on the OR schedule, do pre-op orders, write H&Ps, ensure patients are properly consented, etc. I also have to present these patients at the board at morning sign-outs. In addition to that,  I also round on post and antepartum patients in the morning, getting to the hospital at 4 AM. My favorite part is that I finally get to operate!! I'm sure I'll be more like a bumbling buffoon at first, as I haven't been in the OR since last October, but I look forward getting in there and learning how to be the best surgeon I can be. I also get to go to OB High Risk clinic, where patients with high risk pregnancies are seen. I look forward to having a little bit of continuity with patients, getting to see them on a weekly basis, unlike in OB Receiving. I actually did have a few frequent fliers there, but it's an ER so there is no real continuity.

I started in my new position last Thursday. I shot out of the bed when my alarm clock went off at 3 AM because, as anyone who knows me knows, I HATE to be late! Rounding actually went really well. I like my rounding team which includes the OB-III, a third year, aka my BUDDY (she's awesome), the intern on clinic and the House Officer-I, aka the HO-I. The interns round on all of the patients, then we present them to the OB-III so that she may update the list and have it ready to present at sign-outs. On days that I don't have clinic or surgeries, I go to OB Receiving to help my intern classmate who is down there this month. I actually miss OB Receiving!! I know it sounds crazy to those of you that I've actually spoken to about the experience, but I do miss it. I learned so much down there. OB-I is a much more slow paced position so it was weird to go from running around like a chicken all of the time to actually being able to grab some lunch. I enjoy going down there, helping out and seeing the wonderful nurses who carried me through last month. Did I mention that they are AWESOME?!?!

On another note, I got my first "test" last week. When we started, someone said that this year would be like a constant "rush" or "hazing" process; from people talking crazy to you to walking past you and not speaking. I don't care about anyone not speaking to me. I'll speak initially but if you continue to not speak back, I save my breath as I may need those breaths to say something to those that I actually love when I'm on my death bed. Honestly, it takes more energy to purposely not speak to a person than to just say hi. It's just so stupid. But, anyone who knows me well, knows that I don't really take people talking to me sideways very well. Many times, I will say what I want to say in response without thinking about it. I had hoped that no one would every speak to me in a way that was disrespectful, as I believe that regardless of one's level, everyone deserves respect. I am, after all, 29 years old and I am not a child. I put my "clown-suit" in retirement before residency started because I didn't want to be "that girl" who has the attitude. But I almost dusted it off last week when someone called me and talked to me in a way that I would never talk to anyone about what I "better learn to do, etc." It took EVERYTHING I had not to bless that person from here to next week. I was so angry that I cried because I had to hold in what I really wanted to say. But what I really wanted to say would probably have gotten me put out of the program. Y'all know that I am one of the sweetest people you could probably ever meet (at least that's what I've been told) but I come from a long line of women who don't take crap from anyone and when something like that happens, that side of me comes out and it's really not one anybody wants to see. I am from "VERNDITION" (virden addition, LOL), after all, and I don't do passive aggressive; I do aggressive aggressive.

I have no problem with constructive criticism and correction, but I do have a problem with being spoken to as if I'm less than you or as if I'm a step-child. While I may be an intern, I'm an adult with a 5 year old daughter, so I'm far from a child and I don't even speak to my child that way. This is my 2nd month. I still have a lot to learn but I will not be spoken to like that again. I had to leave and pray so I wouldn't do or say anything that would hinder my progress. What I learned from that situation is what I do not want to become and how I will ensure that I will not behave. Being an upper-level doesn't give one the right to be disrespectful. My normal reaction in situations like that is to "read" that person and then act as if they no longer exist, because I don't do 2nd chances. I know that's not right. I'm praying about it, but I always thought it was stupid to allow people to treat you badly over and over again. Yet, I know there's a big lesson in this, as I know that I have to be able to work with this person and I'm sure this person won't be the last in my career. I'll just have to keep praying that my "knee-jerk" reaction never comes through. Please, don't get me wrong, there are many sweet people that I work with; upper levels who have helped me so much and are the sweetest things ever. I've learned so much because of a lot of them. Even this person has been nice at times, but sometimes it only takes one incident to really throw your experience off. What I also realize is that sometimes people have things going on in their lives as well that cause them to say and do things out of character.

I hope that y'all will continue to pray for me, as I am presented with new challenges everyday. Knowing that this is my calling keeps me going. I enjoy working with the patients, my classmates, the nurses and the upper levels who strive to teach me and make me better. I pray that I just keep my eye on God and my goals and not allow people to bring me to a place of anger where something can be said that causes me more harm than good. After all, people can say what they want, but I am the only one in control of my response. It's all a part of my journey and I'm sure there's something He wants me to learn from it. I'm determined to learn all lessons that He has for me to learn! :-) One month down 47 to go!

Mahogany Pearl: "A closed mouth gathers no foot."

Love, Your Favorite MD,

Keisha B.